Reflections From a Country Girl

We have a new Superintendent in our school district. His name is Scott.

Scott was the name of my younger son so, when I see that name or meet someone with that name, it brings back fond memories of my early days as a mother of two.

Scott has many talents. Besides being an extraordinary drawer and writer, he is an exceptional speaker and motivator. He’s been brought to our school district to use all those creative talents to help us be one of the most effective school districts in the country.

Since I moved to Columbia so my son could get the best education possible, I’m happy to see our district continue that tradition when they hired Scott. As a parent, I’ve been very pleased with this school district’s efforts to teach children and suspected Scott can help us continue that tradition in a new and energized way.

From what I’ve seen of Scott thus far, he’s up for the challenge. He’s going to need lots of energy to make this happen. He’s also going to need all of us working together with him. Since it’s not always easy to gather everyone into the fold, I knew his abilities would be put to the test.

At the beginning of each school year, our District has a “kickoff” at one of our three high schools. This year was no different. However, that’s where the likenesses ended.

Scott walked out on the stage with an artist smock on. “What is he thinking?” I thought to myself. I knew we were going to be in for a treat when he picked up a paintbrush and started painting on one of three blank canvases. “This is going to be interesting,” I said quietly to the friend sitting next to me.

As we sat there, Scott used a combination of his drawing abilities, well selected music, people from the audience, and his eloquent speaking to unfold his plan for all of us to work together in the District.

Our theme this year was disclosed through a picture of a rope. “All Hands Pulling on the Same Rope” was the focus. With that, various people in the 2000 + audience came and carefully added their hand print – in various bright colors – to the canvas.

Today, that canvas hangs in our school board room at the district office, reminding all of us that it will, indeed, take a team working together to make this happen.

“Pulling together will make this giant task seem a whole lot easier.” I said to myself. Makes sense to this country girl!

We’re glad Scott is with us. Last year was a tough one for our District with all the transitions of not having a permanent superintendent. We managed, but it is refreshing to have someone in that spot this year.

My wish for you today: that you will find others in your path to help along the way. It’s never easy to go it alone and ALWAYS more fun when there are others in there with you – pulling together. It’s also essential that you are a part of a healthy, wholesome team somewhere…be it a ball team, a team at the table in a classroom, a little ladies sewing group, a school district team, etc. Just be part of a team and enjoy the experience of “pulling on the same rope.” You’ll be glad you did.

To see some of Scott’s creative energies working for our District, visit this link.

~Joellen

My mother, Ruth, was born in Wales in 1923. That would make her about 83 years old today.
“Mom,” as we kids call her, is one of the gentlest souls I know. She’s always been that way, even when we were young children growing up in the country. Her personality never changed and you could always count on her to be a great listener. That was important as we kids often came at her from all sides and she needed her level headedness to deal with all the strong personalities in our family.

Ruth met my father when he and an army buddy were walking to the dancehall in Pontypool, Wales. She was coming back through the park after seeing a movie with some friends and the men stopped them to ask directions. The rest is history. At 19, she and my father were married in a Methodist church in town. Shortly after that, World War II was over and Ruth traveled over to the US on the ship – the Brazil – with many other “war brides.”

She has chosen to remain a British citizen all these years. Filing for her “green card” was pretty simple when she was younger. It’s been over 60 years now and she’s done that paperwork a number of times. Once, they changed her last name back to her maiden name and it took three months to get that straight. We’ve been very careful since to make sure the forms were filled out correctly.

Mom has always knitted and crocheted. She has been doing this since she was young and quite often knitted sweaters under the desk at school while she listened to the teacher. She now makes beautiful needlepoint items. She also knits toboggans for service agencies that provide warm clothing to children, homeless men and women, and sailors coming to port in Charleston, South Carolina.

Over the years, arthritis has destroyed the flexibility and muscle structure in Mom’s hands. While it can sometimes be very painful, she still continues to make beautiful and useful items to share with others. I think it’s a ministry for her to do what she does with this talent.

Recently, Mom received a letter inviting her to go to the Charlotte, North Carolina Immigration Office to renew her green card. We packed her up with her walker and headed to that office some two hours away. This time, things were different they told her. They simply could not get good fingerprints from her frail fingers. They tried and tried, but the arthritis has destroyed any semblance of fingerprints.

I jokingly said as they came back after the second time, “Mom, you’d be a perfect criminal…no fingerprints!”

Now you’d have to see my mother to realize just how funny that is. A turtle moves faster than her. If a gentle wind blows she can almost lose her balance. Time has taken a toll on her but she is just like the Energizer bunny…she keeps on ticking!

It would be ridiculous to even expect Mom could do anything illegal. She looks like a meek little British lady who drinks tea all day with the girls. Breaking the law is the furthest thing from her mind.

So, when the Immigration agent suggested that she may need to go get a copy of her police record, I laughed out loud. I learned quickly that this was one of those times when you shouldn’t laugh.

The agent looked up in disbelief. I think she was having a bad day and wasn’t in the mood for my silliness.

She suggested that Mom wait until she got a notice from them in the mail and then go to the local law enforcement office to get a copy of her police report. “She doesn’t have a police report.” I said. The agent assured me quickly and firmly that even I had one – that, indeed – everyone had one. It was either a clean record or one with some infractions on it. I raised my eyebrows when she said that.

“Oh.” I whispered. At that point I thought it would be better if I just kept my mouth shut and did what they said. After all, I didn’t want her to have problems with her green card because of my comments.

We waited until the papers came a few weeks later and I arranged to take her to the local police department during my lunch hour. After getting her in there – walker and all – we discovered that she would have to go to the South Carolina Law Enforcement Division (SLED). We packed her back into the car and arranged to take her on another day.

I took my mother to SLED yesterday. I called to make sure I needed to take her to the same office building where you get fingerprints done. I had just had those done a few months ago there myself. Now, that’s another story I’ll tell later. But no, I don’t have anything on my police record!

We walked in and Mom sat down carefully. I approached the window and paid the $25 to get her report. Within minutes they stamped her paperwork with “no record” and gave it back to me.

“That’s all there is to it?” she asked. I nodded as I smiled and held my lips tightly together so I wouldn’t say anything I shouldn’t.

We sent the paperwork back today.

I hope you never have to take your mother to get her police record. It was the oddest thing I’ve ever done with my mild, meek mother. She was, as usual, very patient. It didn’t bother her one little bit to do that. I suppose in another 10 years she’ll still be the same mild mannered little British lady she is today.

I sure hope some of her patience rubs off on me.

My wish for you today: That you practice patience as much as possible. That quality will take you far in life and the more successful you are at being patient, the better off you will be.

~Joellen

I have a friend who is organizing a national event. She is one of the most organized people I know and she is doing a great job.

I, along with many others, am helping out the best I can. While my friend is capable of doing this all by herself, she knows it is humanly impossible. She considers every detail and agonizes over them to make sure the right thing is being done. There are some talented folks in our group that are more than willing to help when there is a need. That makes it a little less stressful. But stressful it is no matter how you look at it. I can sense it is getting more intense as the time approaches.

I have been working on a few things for her and e-mailed her to let her know my task was completed.

“I absolutely MUST change gears and spend the rest of my weekend making a Confederate vest for a friend.” I explained. “I have promised it to him for almost a year now and I can not let it go another week. The only good thing about waiting this long – he said he wanted to be buried in it (along with some other clothing, of course!) and I told him as long as I didn’t deliver he couldn’t die.”

I thought about the need to make signs for the event and decided to offer my talents for that task if it had not already been assigned.

So, I send that e-mail saying that I bet she already thought of this but, just in case, asked her if she needed signs. I clarified, “paper signs…not a sign from heaven.”

“If so, do you have someone making them? If not, do you need someone to do that? If so, I can – if you give me some time to do them.”

Realizing that that was way too many “ifs” to write, I said. “That’s lots of “Ifs.” At least it’s not “Ifs, ands, or butts.” Don’t need anymore butts than we have to have…did I spell that right?” I asked.

I made very sure she knew that I was not drunk while I was writing this! As you know, sometime you can get kind of crazy if you’ve had one too many.

After a few more well clarified comments about the signs, I asked one very important final question.

“Are we having fun yet? More importantly, are you?” I further explained that “Just in case you haven’t noticed, I laugh a lot. “Laughter beats crying any day.” I continued. “It uses more muscles so I get some exercise AND it burns calories. I need to laugh A LOT!”

My wish for you today: That you will laugh as much as possible whenever you can, and whenever it is appropriate. Don’t laugh at the wrong time, though. It could get you into trouble. Sometimes laughing IS better than crying, and it can be a great stress reliever, too. No ifs, ands or butts!

~Joellen

When you’re a country girl living in the city, you enjoy the country whenever you can. Usually that means to get in your car and go to the country. But sometimes, country comes to you.

I currently live in a subdivision in the suburbs of my city about three minutes from my work. This is nice and convenient. I was able to buy a house that has lots of trees and a “natural” hill on the back of the property. Never mind that there are neighbors on all sides of me and a busy street in front of my house. I can cut my country music on loud and sit in my country/western living room with a beer in my hand and blue jeans on and pretend I’m in the wilderness.

I’m not sure why, but a barn owl has favored the trees in my yard and often comes to visit. I saw him last winter early one evening as I went outside to get a closer look at the full moon. He was about two feet tall and was perched on the limb in the back yard right in front of the rising moon. He looked me straight in the eyes and I moved slowly back into the house to get the camera. I wanted a picture of him. By the time I got back out there he was gone.

Then there was the time I came in late one night and got out of the car as the motion detector light came on over the driveway. As I moved to get something out of the back seat of the car, I spotted the barn owl perched on the lowest limb of the tree over the driveway. I smiled and said to him “Hey mister owl. How are you? You are really beautiful and I’m glad you decided to visit. Want to come in for awhile?” He didn’t respond so I said, “Guess you need your quiet time. Come back and see me as often as you like. I’ll be around!” We both stayed motionless for a few more minutes blinking at each other as I smiled. I moved on into the house satisfied that he knew I was glad he was there. I figured he was looking for food and might just find that little snake I saw in the yard the other day and have it for a meal.

There are also times when I don’t see or hear the barn owl but know he has been for a visit. You see, he leaves very large accumulations of solid white poop and it often lands on my car. I had a red car and you would not believe some of the droppings I’ve found there and on the driveway. Now that I have a white car, it often blends in – except when it happens to land on the sun roof.

Recently he came to visit again. This time, however, he had found several friends – three to be exact – and they were “partying” outside my window. I peeked out the window and there they were hooting back and forth at each other and having one GOOD time. They were almost cooing at one point and were definitely talking their kind of language…all very happy and congenial.

Now I’m not a nature expert, but I think they may have been mating. I didn’t stare for very long before I went back to bed. After all, when you’re in the mating mood you need your privacy. They were there for about 40 minutes and making some of the most interesting noises I’ve ever heard coming from barn owls.

I am really very glad they are coming to my yard and am more than willing to wash the poop off the driveway and my car after their visits. After all, having them near reminds me of the country. I’m not sure why the barn owls chose my trees, but I’m sure glad they come to visit. My life is happier having them here.

My wish for you today: that you will take the time to listen to and look at nature when it comes to visit. Be careful, but be aware that these living creatures are just trying to carve out a little happiness for themselves, too. Have a great day!

~Joellen

Has anyone ever made you mad? I mean REALLY mad?

I would venture to say that all of us have had our buttons pushed by someone. In the old days you’d take it out behind the barn and the winner would emerge.

Today, we’re a bit more civilized, though I venture to say that there are times when you can still see grown men and women in a fist fight or brawl to settle a dispute. You just don’t do that much anymore if you’re smart. Too much of a chance you’d get killed, seriously wounded or sued. I know people who are more concerned about the last one. You just never know what lurks in a hostile environment.

I suspect some of my cowboy friends wish it was still the fighting way today. I can hear some of them say now, ‘Too much talk and not enough action.” They might prefer the shootout instead.

Regardless of how you might personally fantasize about solving disagreements, we all know that sitting down to the table (The bigger the table the better!) and talking about it is about the best thing you can do. TV hosts encourage it, psychologists and ministers recommend it, and – when done right – it’s one of the most effective ways to resolve an issue.

That’s what I like about this technique.

Everyone wins.

Now this is a great plan if all the parties are present and willing. But what if you’ve harbored a grudge against someone for years and they are nowhere to be found? Maybe they’re dead, or moved and you don’t know where they are. Maybe someone did something very, very bad to you and it would not be safe to be near them even today. It also could be that you are in a position where you can’t talk with the other person because of something you know that you are not able to talk about with them. Maybe there is a confidence or a good reason for having to do what you did and meeting with them would just lead to more frustration on their part. In that case you’ve just done your best and they will have to trust that. It may take you to that place where you are still darn mad about it and there’s no way to be but disappointed that they don’t trust what you did.

One of the best things you can do if you’re in that situation is to be forgiving of this person. They were likely doing the best they could at the time. Now granted, there are some spiteful people out there that do things because they KNOW it will make you angry. There are also some people out there that are so miserable and insecure in their own right that they are bound and determined to make everyone else miserable. You know people like that. Just so darn mad that they take it out on the world. I, personally, try my best to stay away from that type. Especially if they are angry with me for some reason.

However, you can’t always avoid people who are angry.

So how does one responsibly consider dealing with this kind of situation?

Like I said earlier, forgiveness is one of the best strategies you can use. If you can, put yourself in that person’s shoes and see what it’s like. I always try to find out what’s going on…being the counselor that I am. Sometimes that gets me in trouble, and makes life more complicated. Other times it explains it right away.

I’ll never forget the time a group of parents were furious about their children having to listen to me in classroom guidance. They did not want their children exposed to things they did not “approve” of. I invited them to come visit the next week and see the materials I was using.

They were still angry when they came in. Their meeting before hand had done nothing but continue to stir up distrust.

I told them a little bit about me and who I was. As a parent at that school as well, that was a powerful connection. As we talked and I got to know each of them, I found that they all had issues with trust and hurt from their past. Ironically enough, on that day, all of them were from families of alcoholics – including me. I’ll never forget the look in that room when they all realized that.

As soon as they saw I was willing to stick it out with them while they worked through the anger with me, their trust began to build and soon we were talking about how they could be volunteers to help in the classrooms.

They turned out to be some of the best volunteers I ever worked with as they began to trust me and others in our school. One is still a good friend.

I love working with people that have a passion for what they are doing. These folks lived life with passion. They were going to protect their kids and they wanted to make darn sure no one messed with them. You’ve got to love that about people! I wish all parents were passionate about protecting their kids as these folks were.

Now I am not encouraging you to go out and try to solve the world’s problems with every angry person you know or see. What I am encouraging you to do is to be forgiving of their shortcomings as others have been of you when you were angry and it showed. You know, the Golden Rule.

When it’s safe, try to understand where someone is coming from. When it’s not, give people room to breath. Don’t get in an argument. Just agree to get back together when you both have calmed down. Meet with each other if you two are civilized and can handle it. Be the listener first and try to understand. Tell them you see why they got angry. You don’t have to agree with them. Just understand a little.

If it’s not safe to meet like that, find someone you both trust or someone who is a well respected neutral party and sort through it. Tell the other person what you need…and listen to what they need. One of the most important things you can do is to say, “I’m sorry.” A few well spoken words like “I sure didn’t mean to make you angry.” or “That’s the last thing I meant to do was to upset you.” might be helpful in understanding for both of you. Find a place to agree. Shake hands when it’s over and tell the other person how much you appreciate them taking the time to talk.

If you just can’t do this for various reasons. Then move on with your life and hope that one day you will be able to resolve it. The only way, however, that this will work is if you let go of the anger. If you can’t let go of it, find someone to help you sort through it so you won’t be that angry person we see sometimes on the street that is waiting to lash out. Harboring anger in your soul will destroy you and you’re worth too much to let that happen. Decide right now you just aren’t going to do that to yourself.

My wish for you today: that you will take care of any unresolved anger in your life. If you don’t have any but see someone you know who hasn’t moved on from anger, be compassionate and understanding. When safe, be a listener. Try to understand where others are coming from. Learn from them. The world will be a better place.

~Joellen