Reflections From a Country Girl

In my line of work, I meet new people on a regular basis.

Today, I met Bob.

Bob just retired from the military and was hired by our school district to secure grant funding for programs that support children and families locally. Since I manage a number of initiatives through a federal grant, we met to talk about those efforts.

It was a great conversation. I love it when people are willing to share a little of their background. Bob has lived both in the United States and Germany. He looked like he was in his late 20’s but I found out he and his wife have grown children. That must mean he’s a little older.

What I like about Bob is his obvious passion for life. He loves a challenge and certainly has found it in grant writing. Being a grant writer of sorts myself, I know the challenges and pleasures of that work. You have to be an expert on many things, or have a keen sense of where to gather information if you aren’t.

I am the one who knows how to gather information.

Bob, on the other hand, impresses me as a man who is an expert in many things. He says he loves to organize and train. He will definitely need those skills in the work he’s doing now.

Bob is also a man of faith. I sensed that what he does in his work and life is supported strongly by his spiritual base. He had a keen awareness of blessings in his life and spoke of his good fortune to be married to a wonderful, supportive woman.

I’m a better person today because of my meeting with Bob. It will be a pleasure to watch him be successful in his new found work. We’re fortunate to have him in the District.

My wish for you today: That you take the chance to enrich your life by talking with someone you don’t know well that seems to have a passion for life. Listen to their story. Find the good things about that person and be blessed by that experience. You’ll be a better person for it.

~Joellen

September 15th, 2006

I watched a show last night called Dancing with the Stars. It’s one of those new “reality” shows that are pretty popular on television today.

I’ve always wanted to be able to dance like those folks. I would want to ditch the four inch heals, though. I think I’d break my neck if I even tried to walk in them – much less dance in them. I’m a bare foot dancing woman.

I’ve taken dance lessons twice in my life. Once was to learn how to shag with my friend Bill. I actually did pretty well considering that was my first formal lesson. Bill was a great dance partner and, thank goodness, was willing to learn with me.

The other time I took tap lessons. A group of friends decided to take it together at a local dance studio. All the men and women in that group were fun to be with so I decided to join in. The room we took dance in was all mirrors. That was funny. There was no place to hide when you made a mistake.

I find most of the men in my life generally do not want to dance and sure wouldn’t want to take ballroom dancing. I guess my fate is set on this one.

My husband was very uncomfortable on the dance floor. There was the time we were on a trip to Nashville, Tennessee early in our marriage. We went to a bar that was famous for having celebrity country performers pop in unexpectedly to jam with whoever was on the stage. We had gone there after dinner to have a drink and take our chances we might see someone “famous.”

As we sat down the music started. There was a white haired gentleman sitting next to us alone. He and my husband started up a conversation and were immediately immersed in the discussion. I, however, was quickly engrossed in the music and began tapping my hands and moving my feet under the table and getting into the mood of the music.

Before long, a tall, lanky gentleman approached the table and asked my husband if he would mind if I danced with him for awhile. He said he could tell I was a dancer and that my husband was busy talking to his new found friend. “Sure.” He said, “She loves to dance and I’m not very good at it. Be my guest!”

We danced for several hours and had a great time…occasionally coming back to the table for something to drink and to rest a bit. I was not the best dancer on the floor that night but, my dance partner said, “You have that radiant smile and that – alone – makes you a great dancer. Just keep on smiling.” He said.

I was happy and so was my husband. You see, he was a talker and it was obvious the conversation was good with the grey headed man.

As I danced with my new found dancing partner, I discovered that he was a “Star” of sorts. He sang many of the songs we were dancing to and had a deep, sexy voice that could be heard all over the room.

I said “You should sing for a living.”

He said, “I do. I’m the bass in the country show Hee Haw. Ever heard of it?”

“That’s you!” I exclaimed. “I hardly recognized you without all the stage makeup.”

“You’re good.” I continued.

“And a pretty good dancer as well.” I said as I smiled.

As we said our goodbyes that evening, both of us had great memories of fun and friendship to take with us. I had my fill of “dancing with a star”, and my husband had met a new friend who was well known for playing pool and making exceptionally beautiful pool tables. Minnesota Fats was his name.

I still smile when I see old reruns of Hee Haw. There is that bass singer performing his heart out.

My wish for you today: That you take the opportunity to dance in life. Whether it is to dance on a floor or dance in your heart. Just dance. And don’t forget the smile!

~Joellen

I met with Jaime today. As a policewoman, she has worked in a number of locations including first serving in a small suburban area outside our city. After that she became a county deputy in several rural towns. Now she is working with us as a school resource officer in several schools, including a middle school and the local alternative school.

Jaime loves kids. She and her husband have two small ones of their own. One is just four months old.

As I listened to her talk I thought how young she looked. She could have easily blended in with the students at the alternative school if it weren’t for her uniform.

I asked her if she always knew she wanted to be in law enforcement. “I wanted to teach or be a policewoman and hoped I could maybe blend both of those one day.” Jaime said. When she heard of the opportunity to be a school resource officer, she jumped at it and they took her up on it. “I sure didn’t go into it for the money.” Jaime reflected. Teachers don’t either, I thought. There is just a drive and passion deep inside if you want to be in either of those professions.

While some of her colleagues can’t believe she wanted to be a school resource officer at those schools, Jaimie thinks she’s a natural at it. She loves working with students and helping them make better choices. She is getting ready to go for training in GREAT, a gang prevention program that she will come back and use with her students in the classroom setting. “Now I’ll really get to teach.” She said as she smiled. I could tell she could hardly wait to get started.

Jaime talked about how much her four year old daughter loves school. “The other day,” she said, her daughter’s teacher called to say that she was concerned. Her daughter had told the class she helps her mom find dead bodies. Needless to say, the class was in awe and the teacher was without a reasonable explanation.

She smiled as she explained that she had taken her daughter to a training session she needed to go to and suspected her daughter had been listening more carefully than she thought she was. They had to have a conversation to be a bit more careful about what she says to her classmates in the future. I could tell, however, that she was proud of her daughter.

As I listened to Jaime, sitting across from me in her uniform, I was reminded that law enforcement officers are just like the rest of us. They are making a living doing what they love to do. They are just willing to put themselves in harms way more often than most of us. Their desire to make the world a safer place for all of us is what they thrive on.

My wish for you today: That you will consider the sacrifice law enforcement officers make for us so we can feel safe going and coming in our everyday lives. When you see them, take a minute to thank them for what they do. They will appreciate your thoughtfulness.

~Joellen

I talked with my friend, Woody, on Monday.

He is a country boy who lives in New England. I live in the sunny, hot south so we compare the weather as we talk. Monday it was cool and a hint of fall was in the air there. While I envy Woody that nice weather now, when it is cold and snowy for days in his territory during the winter, we are in shirt sleeves here most of the time.

Woody is a very talented and insightful technical assistant for a grant I work with. He has a young son, Max, whom he loves and adores. Woody and I have shared stories about our boys. Though mine son is almost 24 now, I have been able to share some of my parenting “tricks of the trade.” Though Woody is quite capable of being a great dad without any of my advice, he listens and shares his experiences as well. We have learned from each other.

Woody and I have something else in common. We hate bugs. He has not experienced the large, black palmetto bugs we have here in the south – at least not yet. He is due to come to South Carolina soon for a visit and may be able to see what I mean about the creatures. He, however, has his set of Northern bugs that make him cringe.

“Max is in the “save all living things” stage.” his father explained Monday. Woody was about to kill an ant that had invaded their space and Max interrupted him to say “If you kill it, it won’t live anymore. It will be all done.”

Now Woody, wanting to be a model father, did not crush the ant but picked it up and took it outside. He let it go in front of Max who was quite pleased. It was a teachable moment for both of them.

I suspect that we all start out our day wanting to be a role model for others…especially our children. The very nearness of them can help us stop and think about what we are doing. But then, as we know, there are times when no matter who is there, we are not the person we want to be. Some of us model what we should often during the day. Others of us have a hard time just modeling positive behavior even once.

My wish for you today: That you are a positive role model for someone and that they learn a little more of what love and caring is about because you crossed their path.

~Joellen

I had lunch with a friend early this week. She and I had something in common. We both lost husbands when we were fairly young and within a few years of each other. Our children were small and needed lots of care. They are in their early 20s now and they grew up to be good kids, though there was varying degrees of challenges throughout their early years.

We quickly established that, because we were single parents, it was tougher raising our children.

After we talked about it for a few more minutes, we weren’t sure that was the case. After all, raising children is a challenge, be it a pleasant one or not, whether there are two of you raising them or one. No one gave us a parenting manual and we certainly did things by trail and error on more than one occasion. We agreed that some of our practices were taken from our parents raising us. Sometimes that was good, sometimes bad.

Occasionally we did not do certain things because we remember it was not the way we thought parents ought to be. I smiled when I said that quickly. So will my Mom when she reads this.

As we think about parents and their relationships with us, we have to remember one very important point. Most often, our parents are doing the very best they can at that moment. They bring to parenting a set of skills from their own parents or have situations within their lives that cause them to make both good and bad decisions when it comes to parenting. Bottom line is, sometimes parents are effective and sometimes they are not.

As our children become young adults, they will either be forgiving of our mistakes and shortcomings or will harbor them in their souls. With this in mind, teaching forgiveness is one of the most important things you can teach your child. It’s a powerful and essential tool for everyday living.

Yesterday evening as my son visited for dinner, I asked him to forgive me for any of my shortcomings as a parent. He looked at me puzzled and said, “I don’t have anything I can remember you need to be forgiven for.” We smiled as he hugged me and I realized that we had taken care of any business like that we needed to long ago. Sort or reminds me of God’s forgiveness when we ask him to forgive us. He forgets and moves on. What a role model!

My wish for you today: That each of you will find that place of forgiveness in your heart for anything your parent or parents may have done with you as they raised you. Harboring the past in your soul can destroy you and make you less effective as a parent and a member of society. Life is just too short for that.

My wish for you today: That if you find yourself in this place, let it go. Turn the page. Say out loud “I forgive you.” Whether you say it in front of your parent or not is up to you. Your circumstances may not allow for that. But, saying it today – and believing it – will help you move on with your life and be a happier, healthier you.

~Joellen