Reflections From a Country Girl

There’s this country singer, Josh Turner, who is pretty popular right now. He grew up in Hannah, South Carolina singing in church choirs. I think it’s pretty cool that he’s a South Carolina country boy making it big in Nashville. His Southern charm and good looks melts many a girl’s heart.

One of his songs, “Would You Go With Me?” is popular right now. It’s got a snappy tune with plenty of good vibes for single women and men to consider.

Josh asks if this woman would go with him through streets of fire and hold onto him tighter until they get through it. He asks if she would go with him on a trip even if he didn’t know the way. He even suggests in the song that his heart couldn’t beat one more minute without her…truly a romantic song for all of us to enjoy.

As a single man or woman, I imagine you may have been tempted more than once to go headlong into a relationship with someone and take a chance it might be “the one.” As a single woman myself for more than 17 years now, I understand this issue all too well.

I’m sort of picky when it comes to men I’ll date.

I have lots of men friends, but to date most of them would be a mistake. I mean, if the chemistry isn’t there, it just isn’t there and there’s little you can do about it. It’s not about them not being good enough; it’s all about what I am looking for.

After my husband died, my son tried to fix me up with a new husband and a new father for him. Never mind if the man was married or not, Pierce was determined at six years old that he knew exactly what I needed.

I squelched that quickly when I said to him one day, “Look, next time I get involved with another man it will be a mountain man and he’ll have to have a truck.” We laughed.

That stopped him, especially since we lived in the middle of Columbia where there were no mountains, few single mountain men and even fewer single mountain men with a truck.
If you are contemplating dating someone, you may want to think a minute about what you should expect to have in that relationship before you even ponder the thought of “Going Away With” him or her.

Consider this the country girl’s version of what you should have in that relationship before you head toward the door.

1. RESPECT – just like Aretha Franklin said in her song – If it’s not there or if it is there for awhile and then you see signs there is less and less of it, run…fast…the other way. You DO NOT need to be in a relationship where respect is put on the back burner. Respect of self, respect for your body, respect for your emotions. ALL these are essential for any self respecting individual. If it’s missing or if you find yourself physically or emotionally abused, get out now. If you need help doing that, find it. No one deserves abuse at ANY time.

2. A Good Listener – You need someone who will listen to your inner feelings and really support you through them. If the person you are dating only talks about himself/herself and doesn’t ask or listen to you about your feelings and thoughts, you’re heading for big trouble if you stay. You shouldn’t have to say like that country singer says – “I Wanna ‘ Talk about Me” to someone you’re dating. There should be a good clear flow of conversation from both sides.

3. Integrity – Why settle for someone who just doesn’t have integrity? You deserve honesty and truthfulness in a relationship. If you don’t have it with the one you’re with, find it with someone else.

4. Give and take – The last thing you deserve in your relationship is a person who expects you to do everything he or she wants and not to do anything you want. It’s great to embrace your sweetheart’s hobby or passion and share in it with him or her. It’s another thing for that person not to return the favor when you want or need him or her to share in your passion, hobby or activities you enjoy. It should be a BIG red flag when it’s one sided.

5. Financial wisdom – I highly recommend that you make sure you are with someone who is financially responsible. If you find someone who is head over heals in debt and they could never get out of it in a month of Sundays, beware. It’s one thing to be working toward being debt free in the next few years and another thing to watch the person milk you for all you have in order to do it. You don’t deserve that when you work hard and responsibly.

6. Positive Problem Solving – Every relationship has conflict. It is critical in any loving relationship that there are positive problem solving strategies. The better the two of you are at solving problems in a rational and caring manner, the stronger your relationship will grow and thrive.

7. Spiritually stable – While this may not be the first thing on your mind when you date, it should be something to consider…especially if you are an active part of a faith based community. I’ve seen relationships break up over this one. It’s good to know, up front, what that potential prospect has going for him or her in a spiritual sense.

Obviously this is not an exhaustive list, but it is a good place to start. The dating game is all about finding someone you are compatible and comfortable with…someone that you can grow to be passionately in love with for a very long time. It may turn out to be a lifelong partner. It may not.

If you find your romantic relationship lacks in some of these qualities, talk with the other person about them. You both may agree that you can seek some support to help strengthen the loving bonds between you.

If you’re not in a dating relationship but know what you’re looking for, you’ll be more successful in finding someone who matches your romantic dreams of a lifelong partner if you’ve done this homework before. I always ask myself the question, could you live with that quality on a permanent basis? If the answer is no, then you may want to seriously rethink the answer to the question ‘Would you Go With Me?” before you walk out the door.

My wish for you today: That you find and maintain a romantic and vibrant relationship full of love, respect, listening, understanding, positive problem solving, financial wisdom, give and take, and spiritual compatibility.

You deserve it.

~Joellen

Do you stay on the road like I do? I make Willie Nelson’s “On the Road Again” look like my theme song.

I love to drive, especially in rainy, snowy or windy weather. Having driven as much as 50 minutes one way to work for a number of years, I began taking my camera along to capture all the unusual things I’d see along the way.

Why, you ask?

I’ve seen the likes of a tornado touch down and come across a cornfield right at me, a dog and a fox in a standoff in the middle of a swampy road, a buzzard flying right at my windshield as I was going 55 miles an hour (no he did not veer away…he took my windshield wiper to Glory with him!), seven deer jumping out in front of me – all at the same time, 20 or more little pigs “playing” in the middle of the road, and a wild turkey sitting on top of a concrete drainage cover in the center of a small country pond.

That, alone, will make you take a camera when you travel.

Today I am living in the suburbs and am usually out the door by 7:30 or so. I’ve had the pleasure – for well over two years now – of driving less than three minutes to the office. Yes, I said three minutes. There are not many reasons to take a camera today as there were in years past. Three minutes is hardly time to put a seatbelt on and start the car.

However, it is not an uneventful drive by any means. By the time I get to the office I have shared my morning smile and wave with at least ten others…none of them animals…at least I don’t think they are. 🙂

I suspect you think I live in a friendly neighborhood with lots of people exercising, waiting at the school bus stop, walking the dog, etc. early in the morning. As much as I’d like to live in a place like that, it’s just not the case. Everyone is like me, rushing out to get to their appointed spot. I rarely see one person I could even smile at as I drive out of the immediate neighborhood.

You see, for the past two years I’ve have the pleasure of driving through a major road construction project each morning.

I live between two booming towns with a large lake right between them. The lake has a dam that was built years ago.

Over time, they said, the dam has weakened. It’s little comfort to know I live at the bottom of that dam. If a major earthquake should hit it was likely to sustain heavy damage and could, possibly, completely flood the area between here and town. Not a good thing to think about if you live that close.

Needless to say, when I heard the power company was building another dam to “back that one up,” I was pleased. I did not know it was part of a bigger project and that it would take years to complete.

I also never thought I would get to be a passing friend with a road construction crew during that time.

In the morning, whenever I catch their eye, I wave at the crew and smile. They are out there in some pretty intense weather – not to mention traffic. I’ve seen several of them almost get hit as they worked. The crew often starts work much earlier than I do and is still out there when I go home in the afternoon. I can tell you they are doing a good job.

It’s like watching little boys building with their Legos.

I’ve seen the workers’ unique characters develop over time. There is about every nationality represented you can think of on that crew. There are even women among their ranks.

Some of the crew has clothing that sets them apart from the rest. One of those workers always has his cowboy hat and boots on.

I particularly like looking at him.

He always seems to be driving the big rigs, just like he was early this morning. I thought about taking a picture of him with my camera but didn’t have the nerve to do it! I think that’s the country girl coming out in me.

If I have to be on the road that early in the morning, I like to be able to see something interesting. These construction workers and the work they are doing fits that bill.

They will be finished soon and I will be relegated back to seeing few people between home and work. I have to say I will miss them.

My wish for you today: That you appreciate the work crews that build and repair our roads. They put themselves out there all day in the elements to make our driving experiences more pleasant and safe. Thanks to them, we can be “on the road again” in comfort.

Happy and safe driving!

~Joellen

One of my favorite performers is Jim Brickman. Jim comes to the Columbia area pretty often and I’ve attended every one of his concerts. People call him the romantic pianist. Since I am a romantic at heart, it really appeals to my senses to hear him. I can’t wait for him to get here again in December.

On a good day, I like to think I can play the piano like Jim. When I’m relaxed and – preferably in my blue jeans and barefooted – I can tickle the keyboard with some semblance of Brickman style and not embarrass myself too much.

One of Jim’s cds is called “Picture This.” I will often listen to the cd and pick out the tunes on the piano while the songs play. On this particular cd there is also a song by the same name. While I literally like every song on that cd, “Picture This” is my favorite.

Recently, while listening to the songs and playing along, I thought about all the pictures I had in boxes in the closets upstairs. I’ve been saying for years I was going to go through those and put them in books, etc.

I bet you may have those same kinds of boxes in your closet or attic.

That next evening, I decided to begin tackling the task of going through the pictures in all 16 boxes. Included in them were also years worth of sermons, bulletins and memorabilia my deceased husband had meticulously kept since he began preaching, things from my high school and college years, baby stuff for us as well as our two boys and things from the more recent years of my life.

“I could die of old age before I get all this done.” I said. “There must be 100 years worth of pictures in here.”

Determined to take care of the task, though, set out to the store to get 12 three inch notebooks. “That should be enough.” I said. To know me is to be sure that, if I set my mind on something, it was going to get done.

With my “Picture This” Brickman cd on, I began the process of sorting the pictures by years. I had to guess dates on some of the pictures. Many were so old there were no dates or the dates were worn off. I discovered things in these boxes I was not even aware I had. It was quite an experience going through all of them. Let’s just say I have almost worn out that cd working on this project!

Then there were the tin types.

Yes, we had some all the way back to the late 1880s when the Williams boys married the Wells sisters. From the looks of the sisters, none of them were very happy…they all had that solemn stare on their faces with the tight hairdos and black dresses.

There were no pictures of the men. I guess they were working or hunting while the ladies took the picture or maybe they just wanted to be away from all of that while it was going on!

Seven months later I completed this memory book task with – not 12 – but 38 three inch wide notebooks packed with everything you could imagine. There is enough family history here to last a lifetime…all 127 years worth of it. Each volume has “The Cook Book of Family Memories” and the year(s) on the outside cover so one can quickly reach for the year of choice.

Since I love to take pictures as well, I have books that are filling up fast. I’m determined, however, not to let them pile up for another 100 years before I do something constructive with them.

There are no more boxes of pictures anywhere in the house now. It’s a good feeling to have sorted through all those, shared the ones I didn’t want to keep with other family members, and made room for more things in the closet.

I am pleased that I can turn on my “Picture This” cd, take out any year’s family memories book, and get a glimpse into times past as I savor the memories of the hours it took to complete the task. The books have an added treasure to them for me as I have included some of my own written stories to the appropriate years’ collection.

At family gatherings now I often find folks in the office looking through the books and remembering the good times. My son will frequently take friends back to the family books to show them some of his favorite pictures and items from his life. My goodness, there are almost 24 years worth of his things alone!

My wish for you today: That you find some way to preserve your family pictures and memorabilia if you are so fortunate to have them. The worse thing you could do is die and leave them for family members to sort though when they have no idea who or what they came from.

With the holidays fast approaching, it could be a delightful holiday activity to go through things you’ve collected with your extended family. That activity would probably spawn some lively conversations and bring back some great memories. Just make sure you put on some great music while you do it. It will be even more fun then!

~Joellen

Yesterday I mentioned the “Kevin Bacon Sightings” in Columbia. That reflection brought to mind when I was in New York with friends in 1992 and had a chance to get last minute tickets to a Broadway play.

We were fortune to get back row seats. We dressed up in our finest eveningwear and headed out for the evening. I love to “dress up” – even today – and was excited about getting into my sparkly gown. This country girl would rather be in blue jeans most any other day, but this time was different.

Right about now you are asking if I understood what I said. Back row seats? That’s not particularly good at all when you’re in a large Broadway theatre.

In this case, we were very fortunate to be right where we were. I was on the end of the row and everyone had to come by us to get to their seats. We had gone early and decided to stand until the play started.

“Maybe we’ll see a celebrity!” I heard several of them say.

The place was packed as opening curtain got closer. There were many side conversations going on in the back of the theatre.

One of those conversations was with a man I thought I recognized. He and his wife were talking with several folks. As they finished their conversation they walked toward us.

Let me say here, that I love westerns. There was one series that I’ve particularly enjoyed over the years. Lonesome Dove is one of my all time favorites.

As the man and his wife got closer, I recognized him. It was Roscoe Brown – better known as Barry Corbin – from the Lonesome Dove series. He was known more recently, however, for his television stint as the doctor on Northern Exposure.

“Wow,” I thought, a famous celebrity is coming right towards me.

Now I was with a “cultured” crew of folks and I don’t think any of them had ever seen a western, much less Northern Exposure.

As Barry approached us, I made eye contact and smiled at him and his wife. He said a few words to her, she smiled back, and they came right up to me and stopped to speak.

“You are one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen.” He said to me.

He and his wife stayed for just a bit to talk and then said their goodbyes as they moved on to their seats.

Don’t know if that would make your day or not for someone to say that to you, but it sure made a lasting impression on me. I still smile when I think of him.

Whether you hear it from a celebrity, a friend, a loved one, someone in a store or out in public…it’s just nice to be the recipient of that kind of comment.

My wish for you today: That you are on the receiving end of a positive comment like that often in your life. It feels great to hear a genuine compliment. Better yet, if you have the chance to share a compliment, take advantage of the opportunity. Everyone needs to hear nice things said about them. The world would be a better place if we heard – and gave – them often!

~Joellen

Kevin Bacon is in town filming a movie.

Everyone is excited about this in Columbia. It’s not often you see or hear of a famous movie star being in South Carolina unless it’s someone doing a concert at the Colonial Center.

One of the local radio stations is promoting “Kevin Bacon sightings” and asking people to call in when they see Kevin and tell about that experience.

The story goes that one evening a lady saw Kevin and was talking with the radio folks live about seeing him. Shortly after that, a man called in to talk about his Kevin Bacon sighting. The man was particularly knowledgeable about the star and his work so the conversation lasted longer than usual.

“Aren’t you going to ask me where I’ve seen Kevin Bacon?” The man questioned. The radio personality, realizing that they had gotten a bit side tracked, said. “Well, where did you see him?”

“I see him in the mirror every morning.”

It was Kevin himself who had a colleague listening to that station and who told him the “Kevin Bacon Sightings” theme was going on. Kevin had decided to call in, too!

I hear they talked even more before he hung up. Sure wish I’d had a chance to hear the conversation.

Can you fathom being a movie star or another famous person and not being able to go anywhere without someone recognizing you?

I have written my first book that’s about ready to come out and some marketing has already begun for that effort…particularly locally. I was opening the door at a local watering hole to have a late dinner with my son. The lady that was coming out said, “Aren’t you the one who wrote that Reflections from a Country Girl book?” I smiled and said yes, we talked for a few minutes, and then went on about our business. I thanked her for her kind comments.

That’s my only “brush with fame” but it did feel sort of nice.

I imagine, however, that if you’re a “real” celebrity, it gets old after awhile.

Take for instance, when I was in New York a few years back and decided to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art early one Sunday morning with a friend.

We were viewing the special exhibit of Degas paintings. They were exquisite and, since we were there so early on a Sunday morning, there were very few others in the room with us.

I saw a man through the corner of my eye, well covered with a heavy parka, moving along the exhibit toward me in the opposite direction. As we met and stood side by side, I remarked what a wonderful artist Degas was and how much he must have enjoyed his subjects…all of whom were young, beautiful and scantily clad young women.

The man turned and, looked me straight in the face as he said, “Yes, and I am enjoying them as well!” We both smiled and exchanged a few more word then he was off to the side elevator. You see, others in the room immediately recognized his voice. His cover was blown, but not before he had a chance to see what he had come for.

My friend quickly ran up to me in an excited tone as he said, “Do you know who that was???”

“Sure I do.” I said in a much calmer voice than his. “Too bad he couldn’t stay longer. He was really enjoying the pictures.”

The man was Steve Martin.

Celebrities with lots of talent like Kevin Bacon and Steve Martin are easily spotted in a crowd. It makes our day when we see someone like that.

I’m not sure how Steve Martin is in real life other than during that pleasant encounter, but I hear from some reliable sources that Kevin Bacon is great to work with and seems a genuinely nice guy. I’m glad to know that stardom has not gone to his head. I also understand he is a dedicated family man.

Now that’s my kind of celebrity!

My wish for you today: That you have a chance to spot a celebrity once on your life. If you are so lucky to do so, I hope you find that person to be congenial and kind. More importantly, if you ever become famous remember that, no matter how often you are recognized, it’s always better to be nice to someone when you’re out in public. If this is the case, someone might just have a kind word to say about you.

Tomorrow: Another celebrity sighting!

~Joellen