Reflections From a Country Girl

I’ve debated with myself all evening about whether to write this reflection or not. I decided I couldn’t let the day go by without saying something about a milestone in my life.

Hopefully, you will celebrate it with me.

I’ve loved to tell my son stories about my version of events in my life and the lives of those he has grown up with and cared about. Often he will enjoy the story with me and it always has lead to some great conversations.

Once we had a brief talk about a story I’d told him before that he could not remember.

It was then that I knew I needed to begin writing those stories down if I had any hope that he would carry them on to his children. He knew he would not remember all of them, and I was sure I wanted him to have some record of the events. I felt there was much he could learn from them as time went on.

So, almost three years ago, I began writing short stories of my interpretation of events throughout the lives I mentioned.

I was further inspired to begin this project after taking a “Writing with Humor” class at the local technical college. An editor of a local newspaper taught the class. He was an entertaining speaker and also brought in many other authors and speakers for us to experience. Each day we had to create in a short paper about the speakers we heard. It was loads of fun and kept my adrenalin running constantly. It also put me in the frame of reference for developing short, but precise stories.

Almost three years later I was nearly done with the writing project. I asked several friends to review the 62 stories and give me some feedback. My goal was to tidy the work up and put it in a notebook for my son as a Christmas present this year.

After reading some of the book, one of the readers said “You can’t just give this to your son. You need to share this with the world.”

After careful consideration, I started looking for a publisher. Before long, I had one and found myself on the fast track to publishing the book – Sardines, Cheese and Soda Crackers: Reflections From a Country Girl.

Yesterday – October 18, 2006 – the publisher called me to tell me the book was “going live” three weeks earlier than expected.

I am thrilled for several reasons.

First, I have a great way for my son to “remember” the stories I’ve told him over his 23 years. Second, this effort helped me deal with some issues that have held me back in my life. Last, I really have always had a dream of writing. I never realized that I would ever publish a book…and that is an exhilarating and self satisfying experience for me.

Recently, our new school superintendent asked in a crowd of 2000 faculty and staff during an in-service day if there were any of us that were good drawers. There were a few of us that raised our hands.

Many did not.

He asked us to remember when we were all young children and reminded us that, at that time of our life, all of us thought we were good drawers. Over the years, he continued, we were just convinced that we no longer were good drawers by someone, and that this was sad.

He encouraged us to think differently and to reach within our creative nature to fulfill dreams we had for ourselves and to help children do the same.

This book is my dream and I want to celebrate it with you today. It’s one of those milestones that are worth celebrating with others.

My wish for you today is that you reach back to your creative side and remember the dreams you had. If you can, take a chance and follow one of them. You might just find that it will lead you to new personal heights. Remember also, that if you have children, support them in every way you can to follow their dreams. They deserve to have parents who encourage them to reach for their dreams all the way through their life.

Best wishes on this…let me know how it’s going if you get a chance.

~ Joellen

I’ve loved flowers ever since I was old enough to remember them. I often picked wildflowers for my mother. She always acted like she loved them, even though some of them were really just weeds.

In the field behind my house every spring there would appear a lavender blanket of violets that livened up the hill. Horses grazed in that field all year long and I often think they enjoyed the pasture during that time more than any. I once even ate a fresh violet just to see what the horses liked so much about them. It didn’t taste very good to me, but, then I wasn’t a horse.

My favorite flower was the purple iris. The irises were all over our yard. I asked my mother if I could replant some of them in the back at the chicken house. She gave me permission and I started the job of making a circle of flowers around that area. After days of summer work, the task was completed.

I was sure that, in the spring, the chickens would be as happy about this as I was. Life would be better there because of the flowers.

I anxiously awaited the blooms. They were lavender flowers with the dark, royal purple centers. They grew tall and the blooms began to take shape. The chickens would visit them and pick at the soil at their bases. I would run those chickens away from the irises if they started pecking on the blossoms.

That area, some 40 years later, still has irises blooming every spring. I remember the chicken house fondly as the pretend home within the complete circle of purple flowers. It was often a place of retreat and peace for me while I was growing up.

Yes, flowers fill an important part of our lives. They bring back memories. They create memories, and their fragrance often makes us stop and enjoy the simple things in life.

I promised myself long ago that, if I was not a recipient of flowers from someone who loved and cared about me, I would buy or pick flowers for myself.

If you visit my home today you will most likely see fresh flowers on my table.

So why, would you ask, does any woman say she doesn’t like flowers?

I’m not sure about that, but I can tell you that I think she may be lying.

I have a colleague who was getting ready to celebrate a 25th anniversary with his wife. They were in a bit of a marriage rut. He confided in me that he wanted to do something special for her but just couldn’t come up with anything.

She didn’t like chocolates. That was the first sign she was lying. No woman in her right mind doesn’t savor a fine chocolate from time to time.

“She doesn’t even like flowers.” He said. “What else is there?”

“You know,” I said. “She is lying to you. All women like flowers. Why don’t you get the biggest arrangement of fresh flowers they can make and have them delivered? I’ll guarantee you she will LOVE them.”

So that is what my friend did.

An hour or so later, he called me in a panic.

“Joellen,” he said. “She called me in tears.”

“Why?” I asked “Is something wrong?”

“No,” he continued “She was so overwhelmed when they came that she called all her friends and told them how beautiful the flowers were and then called me to tell me how overwhelmed she was by them.”

“What should I do?” He said.

“Why are you even still at the office?” I questioned him. “Get your behind out of that chair and go home to be with her. Enjoy the moment.”

Men. Sometimes even the best of them need a little nudge now and then.

So, men, if your woman tells you she doesn’t like flowers, she is lying…LYING. If she happens to have allergies, then just tell the florist to select some that don’t have any aroma.

My wish for you women today, is that you are the recipient of flowers throughout you life. My wish for you men is that you realize just how amazing a few flowers can be in helping revive or confirm you are in love with your woman. I can GUARANTEE it will make the receivers day, and who knows, it even may make your day, too!

~Joellen

Have you ever said something you shouldn’t have? You know, stuck your foot in your mouth or said something you wished you would not have said.

I’ve done that at least several times in my 55 years.

The most famous of my verbal blunders was when I was at the rehearsal party the night before my wedding.

It was at this point that I would have fared well to keep my mouth shut. However, I have never been one to be without words…though sometimes I have been known to speak before I think.

This was one of those occasions.

It was after dinner and toasts when my future husband handed me a gift as he said, “this is your wedding present from me, sweetheart.”

I opened it to discover a beautiful opal and ruby ring. After we all oohed and ahhed, it was my time to speak.

My wedding present for him was a picture of me in my wedding dress. I knew he was going to like that but, as tradition had it in the environment we were in, the groom was not suppose to see the bride in her wedding dress until she is coming down the aisle on the day of the wedding.

Wanting to make a good impression, but also mindful of him, I said, “I have a wedding present for you, but you’ll have to wait until tomorrow for it.”

This was one of those “say it before you think” moments.

While a few of us knew the present was a picture of me, everyone else thought it was something else. Of course, when I realized what they were thinking, I know I turned five hundred shades of red amidst the laughter from the entire room.

April Fools Day was the next day. Yes, that was the day we chose for our wedding day. I venture to say it was an appropriate holiday considering what I said the evening before.

Sometimes it is better just not to say anything at all…or at least that is what the country song says.

As I was traveling back to Columbia from Charleston yesterday morning at 5:30, that song came on and it reminded me of the story I just mentioned.

I pondered that thought and remembered some of the most important times I had seen someone do something for someone else, without saying a word, and what a powerful impact that had on the person on the receiving end.

Even though there are those who do bad or not so nice things to others just to watch them suffer or hurt, there are many, many more who do thoughtful things without saying as much as a word.

It is that “act” that I want us to think about just a moment here. Hopefully, you’ve seen this in action. Someone will do something very nice for someone else. Maybe you are a regular at doing this kind of thing yourself.

These are some things I’ve seen happen before:

• A father – the sole breadwinner in the family – loses his job suddenly. He searches desperately for another but has no luck. They are three months behind on mortgage payments and can barely put food on the table. They receive a cashier’s check for $3,000 in the mail. Enough to pay the mortgage up and pay for food for awhile until he gets back to work. They never found out who shared that with them.

• The man who nurses his wife for years as she is in a coma….staying by her side constantly.

• A mother leaves an abusive situation with her young child. She has never worked outside the home and has a small child to take care of. A family, who needs a sitter for their children, offers her a room to stay with her small child if she will take care of their children as well.

• A group of young folks help build a Habitat for Humanity house for a friend whose family qualified for the program. They work, side by side, with the mother and sons to complete the house.

• The mother who cares for her children day in and day out.

• The grandparent who raised her grandchildren on her own when her daughter left them at her doorstep to go off with a man.

You could add yours here, I’m sure. This list could go on and on.

The fact of the matter is, often, your actions speak much louder than your words. You say it best, when you show, through actions, that you care or love someone. It’s the little (well, sometimes, the very big) things that count and make a difference.

These selfless acts are based on actions, not words. My attempts to describe them fall far short of what they mean to the ones involved. This is when, “You say it best, when you say nothing at all.”

My wish for you today: That you are not only the recipient of one of those kinds of non verbal gestures, but that you practice giving that kind of care through your actions, not your words. Expecting nothing in return will make it even nicer for you and the recipient of your kindnesses.

~Joellen

Ever had a car break down?

I don’t know about you but I can’t do without my wheels.

A country song tells the story of a singer who has his car break down in a small town. The mechanic, who recognizes the famous singer, proceeds to tell him the many complicated things that are wrong with his car and says “don’t be downhearted I can fix it for you, sonny…it’ll just take money.”

The singer suspects the mechanic is not being on the up and up with him. He offers to sing him a song that needs some revisions and says he’ll be happy to trade him that song for the car repair plus $50 more than the job will take and explains “don’t be downhearted I can fix it for you, sonny…it’ll just take money.”

Cute song.

It is not the least bit cute, however, if you have a broken car and you have to go to a mechanic you don’t even know.

You see, mechanics are like doctors. Good ones are worth their weight in gold. I know you’ve probably recently seen the undercover reports where a number of mechanics lied and charged exorbitant fees to the undercover reporter who just had a lose wire on his car. It seemed several of the other mechanics were even worse with the unsuspecting females.

That one burns me up even more.

So, who DO you trust with your car?

My father taught me early that a good mechanic was one of those essentials in life. Mr. Rothrock was our families’ mechanic when we were growing up. Not only was he a great mechanic but he taught me a little about the eight cylinder four barrel mustang I had and some tricks I needed to know if the car broke down while I was driving it.

All three of us kids had 1965 mustangs and he kept them purring. My sister still had hers until a few years ago when she sold it to a “vintage” collector. That’s sort of scary to think that a car we use to drive is “vintage.”

Now, I go to a local mechanic shop I’ve taken my cars to for over 15 years. These guys are the cream of the crop when it comes to mechanics.

I trust Donnie, Billy and the crew with my life when it comes to my car. They know how to keep it running like a dream and I feel like they charge me honestly and fairly. I’ll even call them when, on occasion, my car breaks down out of town and ask for their advice before I repair it.

I recently bought a newer car and, while they were not able to look at it beforehand, I called and asked their advice on the kind I was thinking of. It was good advice – at least so far.

I also think the stronger the relationship with your mechanic the better. Don’t go jumping to conclusions now but, it’s like the doctor – some have good interpersonal skills and some don’t. To me, the stronger the interpersonal skills the better when it comes to dealing with people and their cars.

I was there the other day having my oil changed and waiting in the lobby. While I was there I saw several friends come in and out. That’s another positive sign that your mechanic is good – when you see your friends using the same mechanic you do and having a smile as they come and go.

My wish for you today: That you have a good mechanic and you never have to be without your wheels very long. If you don’t have a good one, ditch that one and start asking around to find out who your friends use. I’d sure hate for you to run into one of those that are on the shady side like in that country song.

Oh, and take the time to thank your honest mechanic for keeping you safely on the road.

~Joellen