Would You Go With Me? A Quick Starter Singles Guide to Relationships
There’s this country singer, Josh Turner, who is pretty popular right now. He grew up in Hannah, South Carolina singing in church choirs. I think it’s pretty cool that he’s a South Carolina country boy making it big in Nashville. His Southern charm and good looks melts many a girl’s heart.
One of his songs, “Would You Go With Me?” is popular right now. It’s got a snappy tune with plenty of good vibes for single women and men to consider.
Josh asks if this woman would go with him through streets of fire and hold onto him tighter until they get through it. He asks if she would go with him on a trip even if he didn’t know the way. He even suggests in the song that his heart couldn’t beat one more minute without her…truly a romantic song for all of us to enjoy.
As a single man or woman, I imagine you may have been tempted more than once to go headlong into a relationship with someone and take a chance it might be “the one.” As a single woman myself for more than 17 years now, I understand this issue all too well.
I’m sort of picky when it comes to men I’ll date.
I have lots of men friends, but to date most of them would be a mistake. I mean, if the chemistry isn’t there, it just isn’t there and there’s little you can do about it. It’s not about them not being good enough; it’s all about what I am looking for.
After my husband died, my son tried to fix me up with a new husband and a new father for him. Never mind if the man was married or not, Pierce was determined at six years old that he knew exactly what I needed.
I squelched that quickly when I said to him one day, “Look, next time I get involved with another man it will be a mountain man and he’ll have to have a truck.” We laughed.
That stopped him, especially since we lived in the middle of Columbia where there were no mountains, few single mountain men and even fewer single mountain men with a truck.
If you are contemplating dating someone, you may want to think a minute about what you should expect to have in that relationship before you even ponder the thought of “Going Away With” him or her.
Consider this the country girl’s version of what you should have in that relationship before you head toward the door.
1. RESPECT – just like Aretha Franklin said in her song – If it’s not there or if it is there for awhile and then you see signs there is less and less of it, run…fast…the other way. You DO NOT need to be in a relationship where respect is put on the back burner. Respect of self, respect for your body, respect for your emotions. ALL these are essential for any self respecting individual. If it’s missing or if you find yourself physically or emotionally abused, get out now. If you need help doing that, find it. No one deserves abuse at ANY time.
2. A Good Listener – You need someone who will listen to your inner feelings and really support you through them. If the person you are dating only talks about himself/herself and doesn’t ask or listen to you about your feelings and thoughts, you’re heading for big trouble if you stay. You shouldn’t have to say like that country singer says – “I Wanna ‘ Talk about Me” to someone you’re dating. There should be a good clear flow of conversation from both sides.
3. Integrity – Why settle for someone who just doesn’t have integrity? You deserve honesty and truthfulness in a relationship. If you don’t have it with the one you’re with, find it with someone else.
4. Give and take – The last thing you deserve in your relationship is a person who expects you to do everything he or she wants and not to do anything you want. It’s great to embrace your sweetheart’s hobby or passion and share in it with him or her. It’s another thing for that person not to return the favor when you want or need him or her to share in your passion, hobby or activities you enjoy. It should be a BIG red flag when it’s one sided.
5. Financial wisdom – I highly recommend that you make sure you are with someone who is financially responsible. If you find someone who is head over heals in debt and they could never get out of it in a month of Sundays, beware. It’s one thing to be working toward being debt free in the next few years and another thing to watch the person milk you for all you have in order to do it. You don’t deserve that when you work hard and responsibly.
6. Positive Problem Solving – Every relationship has conflict. It is critical in any loving relationship that there are positive problem solving strategies. The better the two of you are at solving problems in a rational and caring manner, the stronger your relationship will grow and thrive.
7. Spiritually stable – While this may not be the first thing on your mind when you date, it should be something to consider…especially if you are an active part of a faith based community. I’ve seen relationships break up over this one. It’s good to know, up front, what that potential prospect has going for him or her in a spiritual sense.
Obviously this is not an exhaustive list, but it is a good place to start. The dating game is all about finding someone you are compatible and comfortable with…someone that you can grow to be passionately in love with for a very long time. It may turn out to be a lifelong partner. It may not.
If you find your romantic relationship lacks in some of these qualities, talk with the other person about them. You both may agree that you can seek some support to help strengthen the loving bonds between you.
If you’re not in a dating relationship but know what you’re looking for, you’ll be more successful in finding someone who matches your romantic dreams of a lifelong partner if you’ve done this homework before. I always ask myself the question, could you live with that quality on a permanent basis? If the answer is no, then you may want to seriously rethink the answer to the question ‘Would you Go With Me?” before you walk out the door.
My wish for you today: That you find and maintain a romantic and vibrant relationship full of love, respect, listening, understanding, positive problem solving, financial wisdom, give and take, and spiritual compatibility.
You deserve it.
~Joellen