Reflections From a Country Girl

There’s this country song about a man who bought a new truck. He invited his girl to go break it in by “getting a little mud on the tires.”

I’ve been driving up and down a dirt road in the country these past few days and thought of that song. Because it rained pretty hard last weekend, the road is still a real mess and I’ve definitely got some mud on my tires and my car – in fact all over my white car.

My problem is, I don’t have a truck to go down this dirt road. I love trucks, but when I found myself having to get another car several months ago, I couldn’t quite make myself get a truck.

My car isn’t just any ole white car. It’s a fancy Toyota Avalon.

Now that car just doesn’t look right with mud on it, but I like my car and had not other choice.

All that said, I have to say that the first few times I went down this particular road I was very careful. There are lots of Saturday hunters out there and that means lots of deer. I’ve never seen one down that road, but the hunters sitting up on their trucks waiting for the deer to cross early in the morning is a sign they are definitely around. I just wave as I go by and smile.

During the week, however, it is strangely silent on that path.

Today I went through around 6:45. There was plenty of daylight and no hunters.

The windows were down and the air was cool and brisk. I found myself wanting to drive a little faster than usual and thoroughly enjoyed the extra speed…that is until I got to the little bridge and went flying through the air as I crossed over it.

I cut a bit of a wheelie…ok…a LOT of a wheelie…but regained control of the car quickly and went on my way.

Glad no one was there to see me do that.

It would have been embarrassing if I’d wound up in the ditch so I slowed down just a little…but not for long.

Country roads bring the wild woman out in me. I just can’t help it. I’d probably be pretty dangerous if I had a truck, come to think of it.

My wish for you today is that you find a country road you like and take a little ride with the windows down. While I don’t really suggest speeding, I do suggest that you listen to the early morning sights and sounds. They are way too wonderful to drive by unnoticed!

~ Joellen

Many of us baby boomers grew up as children singing the song – Oh, Give me a Home Where the Buffalo Roam.

This is a simple song about wishing that we could live where the buffalo roam and the deer and the antelope play. It was dreaming we would be in a place where no discouraging words were said and the sky was not cloudy all day. I was reminded of this song again today as I helped prepare for an event where 250 people would be emerging tomorrow for a competition. The group does this every year near Charleston, South Carolina.

This year is the 10^th anniversary of the competition.

People from many states compete in this shooting event where you dress up in period outfits from the 1850’s to 1900’s and compete with other cowboys and cowgirls to see who is the fastest and the most accurate. There are older folks competing and then there are the very young. One is age seven.

These are some of the neatest people I know. They model how to be safe and compete amongst each other while having good clean fun. I don’t think I’ve ever met a bad one in the bunch of them.

We all have alias names.

Mine is Ms. Ellen Rose.

There were a number of us who spent the day preparing. After all the shooting areas were set up, I took a quick glance at them. There were buffalos, wild horses, and cactus cut outs as well as a number of other appropriate displays. They reminded me of the simpler and – quite often – more carefree days of my youth as I enjoyed country living.

Later this evening we had dinner with some of the cowboys and cowgirls. Many I had not seen for over six months. We laughed and enjoyed catching up with everyone.

Can’t wait till tomorrow when the others arrive. We are sure to have a rip roarin’ good time participating in the competitions and other events.

My wish for you today is that you find a good, healthy group of friends to keep in touch with throughout your life. Life will be more interesting when you find that group to grow with…whether it’s with cowboys and cowgirls or in another venue.

~Joellen

I’d have loved to be in the room when you were reading the title of this reflection. 

There’s an old song – What are you Doing the Rest of Your Life? – from a movie called “The Happy Ending”. It was released the year I graduated from high school – 1969.

About that time I was wondering the same thing. What WAS I going to do with the rest of my life? I was getting ready to turn 18 and was considering college. I had applied and was waiting to hear if I got in any of them.

I did know, though, that I was ready to set the world on fire and make a difference. Many of my friends felt the same way.

Lots of people say that we are in big trouble when it comes to young people today. They say our youth are irresponsible deadbeats, druggies, self centered, etc. They say kids today have it way too easy and don’t know what real work is all about.

I prefer to think that, sometimes, young people just haven’t decided what to do with their lives yet. Often they just need a little time and some very patient adults encouraging them as they sort through things.

While some teenagers find themselves unfocused and making poor choices, there are just as many and more that are responsible, intelligent, creative, and ready to make a difference…not really too different than what I was in 1969.

Today, I had the chance to meet with some of the intelligent, creative and responsible kinds of students.

What I saw in that classroom inspired me.

I was invited to speak to high school seniors at a rural high school in Gilbert, South Carolina.

Having written a book – Sardines, Cheese and Soda Crackers: Reflections From a Country Girl – I was asked to talk with a Southern Literature class about my writing experiences and processes.

These students were sharp…very sharp!

I have just finished reading some of their short stories. They were amazing. Each one had completed a draft and the teacher asked if I would take some time to look at them and make comments.

The honesty, humor and thought provoking ideas amazed me as I read each one. These students were full of thoughts and dreams waiting to be shared. I sure hope they all keep some type of journals or just keep writing about their experiences.

What are they doing with the rest of their lives?

There was enough talent in that one room to rule the country!

My wish for you today is that you take the time to see the positive things our young people are doing. Listen to them and their dreams. It would do us all good to see what they are really focusing on. You may just find a renewed hope after visiting and listening to some of them.

~ Joellen

She Let Herself Go is the name of a country song about a woman who was a dutiful housewife and worked hard to take good care of her husband and their home.

Somewhere along the way, he decided he didn’t love her anymore, told her one day, and left. The song suggests that he was concerned she would fall apart and not be able to handle it.

So the story goes that “she let herself go.”

Now, that sounds like she fell apart and couldn’t make it on her own.

But, as you quickly discover, she goes to the spa, heads out of town with friends to places he always said were too far, goes on a cruise, has a blind date, etc. She “let herself go” to places and do things she only dreamed of doing before.

“You go girl.” I said out loud as I listened to the song for the first time and smiled.

So what do you do if you find yourself at the end of a relationship? Do you find yourself in a new place – whether divorcing or in a dating relationship that is not working – and you really need to move on?

Is dating in the picture? If so, what does that REALLY mean?

I don’t know your definition of dating is, but mine has evolved into this. Dating is an opportunity to be with someone who is also single – as a couple – in a variety of social situations. It’s an opportunity to test out the compatibility between the two of you to see if you want to continue the relationship or take the connection to a deeper or more permanent level. Dating, to me, is an equal partnership all the way throughout the process.

So where do you find a compatible date?

There are so many single people in this world one can date.

I mention this because, all too often, people get involved with someone who is married. While I have no right to judge and will not do so here, I want to say that if you are dating someone who is married, thing can get complicated fast.

If you don’t know that person is married and find out after the fact, I want to suggest that it is FOOLISH to stay with that person. Honesty is one of the most important qualities in a relationship. If you can’t trust someone to be honest about this matter, they are not worthy of your love and affection. There is simply no excuse for being involved with someone who has a spouse…whether they are “thinking” about divorce or not. Even if they are divorcing, they need time to sort through things…not get involved with someone else before the papers are even signed. It is not a situation any self respecting individual should be involved in, and I certainly hope you think more of yourself than that.

All that said, many believe dating is often a chance meeting between two people and fate plays a large part in it.

Others say God has quite a hand in matchmaking.

I also know many people who go to great lengths to be in situations where they can find someone to connect to. Some activities are healthy, other are extremely unhealthy and even dangerous.

You know what I’m talking about if you find yourself single. It’s a crazy world out there.

Whatever you believe, it is important to remember that dating is just that. Dating. It’s a time that can make one nervous, excited, unsure, joyous, frustrated, and perhaps even angry. It’s a time consuming and often confusing time of life. It can also be a joyous time in life.

If you find you are in a situation where you’re starting the dating scene again, think about what was good and not so good about the last situation you were in and make sure you don’t find yourself in any negative patterns next time. You’d be amazed at the women and men out there who get into the same types of bad relationships over and over again. They just never seem to learn from their mistakes.

If you see negative similarities in the connections you’ve had in the past, you might want to take a close look at those qualities and get someone to sort through them with you first. Taking some time to consider the strengths and weaknesses of your past relationships will help strengthen the next one and possibly save you pain and heartbreak.

If you take that time to review your prior relationships introspectively, consider your options, and take care of yourself personally, you’ll be ready to “let yourself go” when the time is right.

My wish for you today is that you are in a happy and healthy place wherever you are. If you are not, consider talking things out a different way – perhaps with a neutral party – and give it a shot to make things better. If that won’t work, then make sure you give yourself time to process things as a single person before jumping into something new. Once you’re ready, let yourself go, treat yourself with the respect and care you deserve and enjoy it.

~ Joellen