Reflections From a Country Girl

I’ll Fly Away is a gospel song with a country flair. It was written by Albert Brumley in 1929 while he was picking cotton in rural Oklahoma. He was thinking about flying away from the hot, dusty cotton fields the day he wrote it.

Albert and his singer wife had six children. I can only imagine they would sing from sunrise to sunset as they raised those children. He wrote over 800 songs in his lifetime.

I’ve thought of, and hummed that song, so often I’ve lost count. Strangely enough, I hum it for different reasons at different times.

Sometimes I’ll be at a meeting that has not grabbed my interest and I’ll think of this song. Other times I’ll be doing yard work, sitting in a place I’d really not rather be, or just see a bird flying and think of it.

I thought of this song again recently. As I hummed it, I remembered the students who were leaving home to go off to college. I have several friends who had their only child – or last child – leave for college this year.

They were becoming empty nesters.

Looking back on becoming an empty nester, I was ready. So was my son. I taught him to be independent way too early but, since he had to complete high school, he really didn’t have much choice about where to be. I knew, though, that he was ready to “fly away” whenever he could manage it.

If you’ve done a good job as a parent, your college age child is likely ready to leave home. After all, it’s your job to make sure you prepare them for adulthood the best you can and send them on their way.

While that was easy for me, I still missed Pierce. I know he was concerned about me and often said “Mom, why don’t you get a gun and learn how to shoot so you can defend yourself if someone breaks into the house and I’m not here.”

Pierce was really telling me he was concerned about me being by myself. As time has gone on, he is aware that I can defend myself and is more comfortable now that he is out on his own.

The families that really seem to struggle with empty nest issues most often try to get their children to come back after college.

My father did that with me. He was bound and determined to put a small place for me on the side of our family property. I think he was really disappointed when I said I was staying three hours away.

I knew going home to live was the last thing I wanted to do.

I’ve seen friends who convinced their children to come back home after college. Most of the children are miserable once they settle in and often don’t have jobs to keep them occupied. It’s almost like they lose their spirit and passion for life when they return…or else they rebel and leave on bad terms. It’s very seldom a good thing for children to return home. It just delays their ability to “fly away” with confidence and spread their wings to begin their own life as young adults.

My wish for you today is – if you have college age children – that you encourage them in every way you can to “fly away” with confidence and courage. I applaud you if you’ve done that already, even though it’s hard not to have them around when you love them so much and want to protect them. I encourage you to think twice about having them come home after college…unless it is a brief and well planned out transition period.

If you are a college student, my wish for you today is that you say “I’ll Fly Away” and mean it…and that you begin your life as a young adult with the courage, fortitude and determination to make it on your own.

~Joellen

By now you know I love music. These days, country music is my preference but I have a pretty broad base of music knowledge from many kinds of music – including the movies.

One song I was reminded of was from the 1977 movie “Foul Play.” The name of it is Ready to Take a Chance Again.

You could go lots of places with that song title but I was reminded of it after a conversation I had yesterday.

I ran into a friend, Steve, in the grocery store. He and his wife were acquaintances of mine at a church I once attended. She died a year or so ago after a battle with a debilitating disease.

I heard how brave she was and how her courage was an inspiration to many friends and family.

She and Steve were soulmates. When you have a soulmate with a deep and committed love and something happens to him or her, it takes a long time to adjust. They were that kind of couple. You could just tell they loved each other deeply. It was obvious when they were around you that they were truly connected.

It’s been awhile now since her death and Steve is making the very best of his life. He’s ever been instrumental in starting a singles group at that church and has maintained a good faith base with the folks there. He has taken a positive outlook on life.

If you have ever experienced this or seen someone who has, there comes a time when “You’re Ready to Take a Change Again” – just like the song says.

That can mean different things to different people. Taking a change again can mean getting out there and dating fast and furious and with as many people as you possibly can…in other words – “playing the field.” It can mean jumping into relationships that keep you from being lonely without regard of consequences. OR, it can mean taking your time to enjoy life in a responsible way with others who just want a little companionship, too.

Today, I prefer to enjoy a relationship that models responsibility and savors life to the fullest. I think most of us want that, like my friend, Steve, and we are just looking to find someone or maybe even a few individuals who might feel the same way. Life is just too short not to savor relationships that are healthy and vibrant.

My wish for you today, if you find yourself single – for whatever reason – is that you savor life to the fullest and embrace opportunities when they arise. If you find yourself “Ready to Take a Chance Again” I encourage you to do that responsibly with a healthy dose of common sense. The worse thing you can do is to jump into a relationship just because you are lonely. So often that can be a big mistake. Taking your time can most always be the best mode of action. You’ll know when the time is right to take that chance again.

All the best to you on that journey. It can be full of pleasant surprises if managed wisely.

~Joellen

Ever want to be famous?

I’ve visited with thousands of children in my personal and professional years. Just ask young children what they want to be when they grow up and you’ll hear things like a movie star, a princess, a football or basketball player or the President.

I have my theory that children think being famous is the most desirable thing of all. It’s the “heroes” of the world that children fanaticize about when they are young.

So who are the real heroes of the world anyway?

The song, She’s Somebody’s Hero, says it all. It tells of a woman who has never been a star, has never saved a life, never been famous. She works hard to raise her children, love them, and help them make a place in the world for themselves.

The story continues that those children become adults and they model that same behavior for their children. The cycle continues when the woman, now with an elderly mother (her hero) in a nursing home, goes in and takes care of her mother each day…combing her hair, visiting with her, etc.

Now THAT’S a hero!

This world needs lots of heroes.

There’s nothing that brings my sense of pride in the USA more than our soldiers and the sacrifices they and their families make.

Then there are the firefighters, nurses, doctors, law enforcement officers, etc. I could go on and on.

I submit to you, however, that there are many unsung heroes among us. They are the ones that are quietly shaping the world by their faithfulness in raising their own children or being a model for those they come in contact with. They advocate and protect. They raise children to become responsible citizens as they teach young minds to be respectful and considerate of others.

Yes, there is no job more important than this.

I have many friends and acquaintances that have made it their sole job to raise their children. In cases where the woman stayed at home as her spouse went out to make a living, it has been wonderful to watch. I even have several men friends who stay home with the children while their wife makes the money in the family. In their cases, they are some of the best parents I have ever seen and I’m proud to say I know them. They are real heroes.

Then there are the single parents who try to balance both jobs. A near impossible task at times, but there are MANY out there giving it their best shot.

I was one of those for most of my son’s life. I can tell you it was a challenge at times to balance all that but it can be done. I never considered myself a hero, though.

I’m not sure these kinds of heroes really are looking for that kind of recognition.

I never would have made it if not for the people who became my heroes by providing role models for my son.

Thanks to all of them. They know exactly who they are.

My wish for you today is that you are a hero to someone in your lifetime and that you take that role seriously. If you’re a parent, the opportunity naturally presents itself. Be a good one if you are. If you’re not a parent, I hope you support those who are by becoming a mentor, a big brother or sister, or are just a natural support to others in your path. There are so many opportunities out there to make a quiet, but effective difference.

Be somebody’s hero today.

~Joellen

I spend a good deal of time in Charleston, South Carolina. My cowboy is down there so I make that trip on a fairly regular basis.

There are some exceptionally lovely roads there, especially Highway 61. Spanish moss hangs on the trees as it sways in the gently breezes over the two lane path towards Summerville. There’s not much room for error in driving that road. The hardwoods are close to the pavement and there is little sunshine coming through the limbs and leaves that hang there.

One of the traditions I love to participate in with Steve is to go to church early on Sunday morning. He belongs to a Catholic Church right off Highway 61. It’s a beautiful building but, as with most churches, it’s what’s inside that is the most breathtaking.

The stained glass windows and the peaceful atmosphere welcomes you as a place to go for peace and reflection.

Not being Catholic myself, there are several things I’ve had to get use to.

The order of service has taken me months learn. It’s not that what is in the order of worship is much different than what I’m use to in the churches I’ve been a part of before. The songs are often ones I know and I found myself even singing a song the other day where I knew all the words to all the verses.

It’s that they jump over other pages to get to the one they will use.

Steve’s mother belongs to this church as well. When I sit by her she patiently shows me the page we’re on when I get lost. Steve isn’t much help as he prefers to worship by not following along in the book…just looking and reflecting.

The other thing I am not use to is not being invited to the table for communion.

Communion has been – and will continue to be – an important part of my life. Having grown up Southern Baptist, been a Methodist Minister’s wife, and become a Presbyterian Elder, communion was and is a significant part of who I am. It bothers me that I can not take communion with them, but I respect their faith and want to make sure I don’t do anything that is not right there. Since I do not see myself becoming Catholic, I’ll just have to get use to it.

I can still worship there and really appreciate being a part of the service on those Sundays.

One of the highlights of the week is when I get to hear Father Gab’s homily. That, for those of you who don’t know the term, is his sermon. He keeps it short and sweet, but almost always leaves me with a thought I can take as I leave.

This past Sunday he talked about Peter Ustinov, a British actor and author. Peter has written a number of books…all of which are entertaining and lively.

Father Gab told the story that Peter was invited to give a talk for the graduation ceremony at a college. When he arrived, he was given some background of the graduating class. It was a small group, and even smaller given that two of the class had failed their exams and were not going to graduate.

As Peter reached the stage and began his well planned speech, he suddenly stopped in the middle of it and began to speak from the heart.

For anyone who may have known Peter well, they would have realized that was not unusual. He had been encouraged in his early boarding school years to be an independent and individual spirit and so he was.

Peter explained that there were two in the class who had failed and that, if he was attending that college, there would likely have been three as he could have easily fallen among those ranks. He went on to say that there will be times in life when one experiences failure. That these two had simply found that time to be now but that they should not let that deter them from becoming what they were intended to become.

What a spirit, I thought to myself as Father Gab continued. Yes, if we bowed to our failures or shortcomings, we could all easily fall into that rank as well. Peter took the opportunity to use the failures as an example to show that we all have the potential to make a difference in the world…even if we fail. Indeed, failure helps us to grow stronger and more resilient.

My wish for you today is that you have the chance to fail and that you always learn from the experience. The spirit of survival is one of the most important lessons any of us can learn. We can all bounce back from most anything that happens to us as long as we pick ourselves up by our boot straps and dust ourselves off. It’s called a spirit of survival and my wish is that all of us have and utilize that in our lives.

Thanks, Father Gab, for reminding us of that.

~Joellen

I went to my 30^th college reunion this weekend at Charleston Southern. When I went to college there in the dark ages, it was Baptist College at Charleston.

I’d been debating for some time whether to go or not. After 30 years apart, my college sweetheart and I had “reconnected” about a year ago and we had talked about the reunion on and off over the past year. His brother and wife also went there with us and we had lots of great memories rekindling in our heads about the experience.

After some long – and often lively – discussions, we decided we would go. After all, we agreed, we would not have the chance again for a 30th college reunion together.

When we were students at the college, he and his brother were on the track team. They both excelled in track events and had been recruited from New Jersey to be part of the team. I transferred in after a two year stint at junior college in my hometown.

Beyond the thoughts of those times together, there were also recollections of fellow classmates we hadn’t seen in well over 30 years. I pulled my yearbook out last week and was in hopes we would see many of the faces there.

It was homecoming weekend and the grounds were festive. Lots of floats for the parade, a pre-game tailgate party, and football game, and a reunion gathering afterwards was planned.

The weather was perfect.

It didn’t take long to find some of our classmates from 1976. We all looked a bit different – but in many ways even better than we did when we were young. We showed pictures, met some of our families, and talked about our lives over the last 30 years.

At the football game, a young college age boy came up and sat beside me. After awhile I figured he was there alone and started talking with him. He was a freshman nursing major and made it a habit to attend the games regularly. I was fortunate enough to talk with him on and off during the game. We talked about how the college was alike and different then and now. I wished him well in his classes and gave him a card. “Columbia needs good nurses.” I explained to him. “Keep us in mind when you’re looking for a job after you graduate.” I sure appreciated our conversation and hope he will keep in touch.

It was great to see everyone. We also missed some of the ones we didn’t see there. The pleasure of being at college again was a reminder of the wonderful times we had on that campus. It was some of the best times of my life…those college years.

My wish for you today is that you always take the opportunity to go to reunions and savor moments from the past. It’s good to see what others are doing now, how they have walked down their path in life and how memories have been shaped and changed over times.

~Joellen