Reflections From a Country Girl

I love old movies. Romances, westerns, comedy, mystery…they all appeal to me.

There is this one movie, Good News – a musical comedy and romance – that shared the song – The Best Things in Life are Free.

As I talked to Aunt Sue this evening I was reminded of this song.

Sue is really the aunt of my deceased husband but she has been much more than that to me over the past 17 years since my husband’s death.

Sue has a unique and natural way of making me smile each time I talk with her. Her personality is contagious. Having worked at a Westinghouse plant for years in Hampton, South Carolina, she retired a number of years ago and just keeps on ticking like the energizer bunny. Even though she continues getting older and older, like all of us are doing, her laughter and good nature has continued with the same vibrancy I remember the first time I met her 29 years ago.

Sue shares her great sense of humor wherever she goes. Sue knows lots of people in South Carolina and they know her because of her good nature.

Today we talked about Thanksgiving and her coming to be with us that day for a meal. She is excited about being here. We laughed as we talked more about things.

Sue always makes me realize just how wonderful life can be and how important it is to have a sharp wit about you as you walk along the paths life takes you on.

Everyone should have an Aunt Sue in their life.

While Sue and others have given me expensive and lavish gifts in the past, Sue’s gift of laughter – free all year long – is priceless and, as the song says, “the best.”

They say you should experience a good laugh at least once every day for proper mental health. Sue has to be one of the healthiest minded people I know if that is the case. In fact, if you could bottle her laughter you could make a fortune.

My wish for you today is that you have a Sue in your life that shares laughter and love freely and unconditionally. If you don’t have someone like Sue, seek that person out until you find him or her. “The Best Things in Life are Free” and you need to find them and cling to them. They are priceless, just like Aunt Sue.

~ Joellen

I was so excited when I heard the country song “My Wish” on the radio for the first time. It’s a song of hope and encouragement – something we all need a little more of. The words are SO powerful that you simply must get a copy of the song for your collection.

On September 12, 2006 I began writing a daily reflection on my new website. As I wrote the first one, I was contemplating what to say as a closer and decided to end it with “My Wish for you today is…” It’s a way to summarize what the main focus is of the reflection. For those of you who read my reflections, you know that’s what I say at the end of each one.

On my way back to Columbia late Saturday night I heard the song again. It came on at a very good time. When I listen to country music that often happens.

I had been pushing myself to the limit trying to cover all my bases five days with a very busy weekend, a good personal life with the man I loved (my college sweetheart from 30 years ago!), and the release of my first book.

Things were pretty stretched and very intense at times.

Usually I handle these sorts of situations pretty well but this time was different. Looking back on it, it was just too much for any one person to be doing and my stress level was at the max. I had set myself up for trouble and was too involved to realize it.

So, after several incidents occurred, I decided it was time for me to leave an event that we all had been looking forward to. After all, if you’re not having fun anymore and you can’t get beyond that, it’s time to step back. There’s just no need ruining anyone else’s time.

On the two hour drive home late that night, I heard “My Wish” and began singing along. The drive gave me time to try to settle down. The words were just what I needed to hear…from a person I loved would have been better…but since that was not the case…a country song would just have to do.

The singers say that “they hope your worries are small and you never have to carry more than you can hold.”

I have learned a number of things from those five days. The most important one is that I will never put myself in that kind of stress again. It’s just not worth it and it can change your life faster than anything.

Other thoughts in the song say “if you’re faced with a choice and you have to choose, I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.” That didn’t happen for me that night and I can’t tell you how that feels here other than to say it’s a very lonely and hurtful feeling not to be supported when you are in the midst of a situation where you feel you need support.

So how am I handling all this?

Life goes on and it will continue to whether I stay stuck in one place or not. You seek supportive and loving comfort where you can get it and, as the song says;” …you help somebody every chance you get, Oh, you find God’s grace, in every mistake, and always give more than you take.”

I am resolute that this website – www.reflectionsfromacountrygirl.com – will serve as a source of inspiration and hope to others who read it. From my experiences, and those of others that I hear verbally and through songs, I hope you will find something useful here as you walk life’s path.

With this in mind, I will end this reflection by quoting the last verse of the song – “My Wish.”

“My wish for you” today “is that this life becomes all that you want it to, your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, you never need to carry more than you can hold, and while you’re out there getting where you’re getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things, too. Yeah, this is my wish.”

~ Joellen

I drove in a rush from my office miles away to read to fifth graders yesterday as part of American Education Week. I had promised some weeks ago to do this and, even though my day was packed and I thought one time of postponing my visit, I decided traveling to that school was really more important than anything else on my schedule.

As I headed down the road I heard the country song, Every Mile a Memory on my radio. Those words quickly reminded me that I put many a mile on my car since I started working in that school district to see students and teachers in action. Each time I came away with something etched in my memory from the experience.

I wondered what that memory would be this time as I pulled up to the school and walked in.

All the students were attentive and very respectful as I read the stories. I was reading to them from my new book – Sardines, Cheese and Soda Crackers: Reflections From a Country Girl.

It was interesting that each class reacted a little differently to me as I read the stories. They were not only excited to be listening to someone different read a story, but the fact that I wrote the book and the stories were true was amazing to most of them.

We had a question and answer session after I explained why I wrote the book and read some of the short stories.

One of them asked me “Are you FAMOUS?” Several of the students said “Sure she is.” while others looked at me for the answer.

“I’ve never thought about being famous.” I replied. “I’m just like what you students are becoming by working hard in school. I’m just a person trying to do the best she can to make a difference in the world today.”

I read a few more stories after that. One of the teachers asked if I had a book she could purchase and I offered to sign it for her.

“Can we have a book, too?” The students asked.

Of course I was not able to give them a book, but told them their parents could help them do that if they wanted to talk with them when they got home.

One of the students asked if she could have my autograph.

“Sure.” I said with a smile. That led to everyone else to ask for my signature as well.

All the students waited patiently for me to sign their papers. Some had three or four pieces of paper clutched in their hand…but all had at least one paper for me to sign.

There was one particular young lady that took my breath away with her request.

She said “Would you put the name of my stepsister on this paper and write her a note?” I want to put it in her casket tonight…she was the one that died.

My thoughts immediately went to the death of a local high school student who was in a tragic car accident earlier. She had been in the hospital for days, clinging to life, and lost that battle a few days ago.

The stepsister’s sincere smile was evidence of the love and loss she was experiencing. I suspect that one of the stories I read to the class touched her and she was comfortable asking me to write her step sister a note that would help in the healing process.

What would you write to someone who is dead if that request came to you? What would you say on that note?

While each of us might say something just a bit different, I quickly chose to write the girl’s name, add the words that were just right from me, and signed my name with a smile as I handed the note back to her.

As sincere as that young lady was in the class, I am quite sure the note is in that casket tonight.

If you ever wonder if you can make a difference in the lives of anyone, go read once to a class of children and see what happens.

My wish for you today is that you discover the joy of reading to students. It takes little time to do that and the rewards are priceless. You will not only have a chance to touch their lives positively but the experience will be etched on your memory forever. It will be worth the time and miles you take to get there, I promise.

~ Joellen

There’s a song from the 1920’s Al Jolsen penned and sang. Al was called one of the greatest entertainers of them all. He was the first person to sing a song in talking pictures.

The song, Back in Your Own Back Yard, tells about a bird that flies away, sees the world, and realizes that – after all the travels – his own back yard was just a beautiful as the other places.

I came in last night after having been gone out of town for five days.

This morning, when I flipped the blinds on the doors that open out to the patio and my back yard, I smiled.

It’s that time of year when the leaves are falling from my many oak and birch trees.

I love trees, mind you, but in the fall – and again in the spring – I have over 60 bags of leaves. This year, there are also acorns. I don’t have acorns every year, but when I do the squirrels have a field day. They busily gather the nuts and place them in the strangest places.

I actually was pretty agitated with those squirrels when they started digging in my pansy planters on the patio a year or so ago. After observing them a little longer, I realized they were looking for the acorns they planted there earlier in the fall and decided to eat the pansies while searching.

These days, silk flowers – appropriate to the holiday or season we are in – grace those planters for that very reason. I don’t want to spend money to plant live flowers just to have the squirrels eat them. They can dig in those all they want.

In my own back yard it is covered with all the leaves from a week. I couldn’t see my door mats when I got home last night. The rain reminded me to be careful going up and down the slipper steps at the front door.

It’s always good to be home after being gone for awhile. There’s something soothing about being in your own bed, about the sights and sound of things in your home and yard, and the familiarity of your neighbors and friends that can give you comfort.

I think I’ll go out in my back yard and move some leaves around.

My wish for you today is that you have a place you call home that gives you comfort and peace. If you don’t have that right now, do your best to carve out a home you can be safe and secure in and savor that place.

~Joellen

Life Ain’t Always Beautiful is a country song that tells it like it is. It says that sometimes, life is just plain hard; it can break you down and break your heart. It’s a song about disappointment and heartbreak.

I’m disappointed with some things that have been going on in the last week.

There’s no other way to say it.

I like to volunteer and I had offered to do so for a rather large statewide event where people I cared about were competing with others. Since I was unable to compete myself, I thought it was a good thing to do.

Knowing I was going to take some time off my fulltime job to do this, I had no idea that I would additionally have the challenge of dealing with the release of my first book at the same time. I was working diligently on the volunteer issue from 7 am until late afternoon, getting back home to check a multitude of e-mails and dealing with issues and people related to my book.

All in all, I was managing this pretty well until things started happening at the event. There were short tempers, less than thoughtful comments, and a general feeling of unhappiness wiht some individuals there. Now this happens at most events and life goes on. Even those are things I can usually manage in moderation.

This time was different. One of those mornings I found myself verbally saying what I was thinking. They were not positive comments and I knew I needed to re-evaluate my situation since I am not prone to saying negative things on a usual basis.

Realizing I was feeling this way and not wanting to harbor that inside for very long – I took the usual “step back and evaluate how I am a part of this and what I need to do to be part of the solution and not part of the problem” – posture. I decided to remove myself from several additional tasks that would extend my day with the volunteering well past 10 pm. I also asked that someone else be responsible for an article that was due afterwards. Although that was not met with smiles, I believe the leaders took care of it and we moved on.

Then there was the evening event where I was the recipient of a rude and inappropriate comment. There were other disappointments surrounding this event that will remain untold.

I wound up leaving and driving back to my home two hours away that evening. I mean, after all, enough is enough. You have to “know when to hold um and know when to fold um, know when to walk away and know when to run” as Kenny Rogers says in another familiar song.

This was a “walk away” event.

Yes, life often can deal you disappointments and you either process those and the heartbreak they bring or you get stuck.

My relationships with some of these people has changed dramatically over the past five days. While some of them were casual relationships, one was a relationship we both had hopes of lasting forever. That will not be the case now.

My disappointments with these situations lead me to spend some time evaluating where I fit into the events.

With this in mind, I’d like to share a few statements that may help you along the way should you find yourself in similar circumstances.

1. Always share your time by volunteering whenever you can. It’s good to offer to help out.

2. Always remember that life circumstances can change rapidly and you may need to adjust commitments as time gets closer.

3. Never feel like you can’t make a different decision if it is in your best interest or the best interest of the situation you are in. The worse thing you can do is to do something just because you’d feel guilty if you didn’t. It’s ok if they don’t understand. You have to do what is right for you.

4. Always uphold those you love through being involved in their hobbies when you have a chance. It’s important to show your support for their passion. Most often, they will appreciate it.

5. When you feel you are being taken advantage of in a situation, seek to take care of that immediately rather than harbor those feelings. That may mean talking it out or choosing to be removed from all or part of a situation.

6. Never accept someone’s rude comments or behavior. You have the right to defend yourself if you are wronged, no matter where you are.

7. Expect your spouse or significant other to support you when you need it. Accepting less than that without dealing with it allows that relationship to weaken and sets you both up for future humiliation.

The song – Life Ain’t Always Beautiful – doesn’t just end with disappointment. There are words of encouragement that say “struggles make you stronger” and “changes make you wise.” If you process life’s disappointments when they occur and learn what you can from them, you will be stronger.

My wish for you today is that you make sure you are giving back to the world in a way that’s right for you, that you are mindful of life events that may necessitate changes in your commitments, and that you acquire the ability to process life’s disappointments rapidly when they occur – learning from them what you can.

~Joellen