Reflections From a Country Girl

The turkey is eaten, the relatives have likely gone, and you have a few days on your hands after a busy holiday.

For some of us, that means getting up to shop at five a.m. tomorrow morning so we can get a head start on our holiday shopping list. For others of us, it means sleeping in, having lots of leftovers, finding we have time on our hands to get into mischief or taking on that project we’ve just not had time to do before now.

There may be a “honey do” list a mile long and you find yourself wishing you HAD to go into work on Friday so you don’t have to tackle any of the items. After all, there are lots of games or holiday specials on the television and you are ready to kick off your shoes and relax while you watch.

As I can attest to, after having driven home from an out of town meeting yesterday, some of us were in traffic for twice as long or more than we normally were and are just glad to be home, or to whatever destination we were headed to.

Then, there are those of us who find ourselves in a solemn place this season. We may have ill loved ones that are very sick. We may, like a friend of mine just last night, have lost a loved one we will miss terribly. Maybe a family situation such as the loss of a job, a divorce, or a tragedy you or a loved one was involved in overshadows any celebrations right now.

Yes, life goes on even though holidays come.

Deck the Halls is one of my favorite holiday songs. I often find myself humming it – even throughout the year.

We can easily get wound up in the season, especially when we are constantly bombarded by advertisements, songs on the radio that have a holiday theme, and decorations all over the place. We even decorate our homes and cars with seasonal items.

There just doesn’t seem to be anyplace you can get away from it for awhile. We stuff more meals, activities, decorating, and buying into this small five week period than at any other time of the year.

No wonder we often feel stressed – and that’s on top of all the regular busy activities we have going on!

Working with children and families through the years, I’ve seen a definite pattern in the levels of stress exhibited when school breaks are coming. Ask any teacher and they will confirm that children know there is something getting ready to happen as they prepare to be on break…and it’s not just about lots of toys.

Many students are anxious about the time at home and it shows up in the classroom. It’s either lots of excitement or lots of anxious anticipation of “what will happen” while they are away from school. After all, children feel our stress coming out at home…and it’s not always positive.

They hear our talk. They see our actions. They know the pattern.

So what is the holiday atmosphere like in your home?

Is it one of stress that is full of monster shopping events, lots of cooking, hours of traveling, excessive television watching by children and adults, LOTS of food, little sleep and much tension?

OR, is your holiday season one of joy and taking things in stride without all the “stuff” that comes with our society today?

Believe it or not, WE have control of what the time means for us and the ones we love.

If you think about it, decking the halls is always optional, excessive food can be managed, what we do with our spare time is always open for discussion, and traveling is discretionary (it can always be done at a different time of the year.) Even for those who are blessed with an income that allows for excessive purchasing of extravagant holiday gifts, it’s really not necessary. We can do without all that stuff.

It’s the important things that matter.

What are they, you ask? What could we be thinking of around this season that would produce less stress and more enjoyment in our lives?

Here are some simple thoughts for you to consider:

~~ Take good care of yourselves and your loved ones – physically and emotionally.

~~ Provide a safe environment where you teach your children – or those others around you – the importance of love and respect for others.

~~ Take some time to reflect on why we actually celebrate during this time of year and discuss that with those that mean so much to you.

~~ Find a way to give back to the community and include your family and/or friends in the effort. There are so many ways to offer help over the holidays AND throughout the year.

~~ Consider downsizing all those events and decorations to a more manageable level. Your family, and you, will notice a difference.

~~ Instead of watching television all day long, take a break to go out in the yard, take a drive, or enjoy a walk with the family.

~~ If the holiday schedule gets out of control – and it can very fast – step back and see what you need to do to even it out. It’s ok not to show up at a party or an event that you’ve known about for months. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Just do it. Saying “I just can’t/couldn’t make it. So sorry.” is just fine and you know it. You may just be thinking of a million reasons why you “have” to go when, in reality, there is rarely a time you have to “make an appearance” anywhere.

My wish for you today – and through this busy time of year – is that you “deck the halls” with the safety, comfort, love, and ease that you want for you and your family during this holiday season. Pack it full of love and share the overflowing love with others by giving something of yourself this holiday season to those less fortunate. If it means breaking tradition to enable you and your family to get in a healthier routine, do it. It only takes a few changes to make this coming holiday a more relaxed and meaningful one for you and the family.

~ Joellen

There are many quotes from the movies that have stuck with us thought the years. We use them when the time is appropriate.

The movie Poltergeist (1982) had a particularly interesting saying that has stuck with many people. Though the movie is definitely not a “holiday movie” the saying can be appropriate around the holidays.

“They’re Here” can bring a rush of excitement to see much anticipated and loved family members or it can send a cold chill up your spine for the, shall we say, less than easy to get along with relative.

The larger the family gathering, the more of a chance there is at least one relative someone may not happy about having to be around again during the holiday season.

Many of us have a diverse base of friends and relatives on both sides of the political fence AND from very diverse backgrounds. While we all may likely enjoy our friends and family and cherish each of them, sometimes you just know what to do and not to do ahead of time.

But, what if you have no choice to have folks in the room that either don’t like each other or prefer not to be around each other for some reason?

Here are a few helpful hints that might help if you find yourself in a stressful situation during the holidays – or really at any time.
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1. Always have plenty of space for guests to mingle in several rooms. That way, if there are those people that some prefer not to be around, they can manage to ease themselves around without bumping into each other.

2. Make a plan ahead of time for another of your family members to help you deal with potential uprisings if they should occur. It’s always better to be prepared than not – especially if you know about conflicts ahead of time.

3. If you find yourself in a position where you have to be a referee, take each one aside and ask, for the sake of the gathering in your home, if they could possibly help you out by not being argumentative with the other guests. Affirm that you know it’s hard to deal with that person sometimes, but that, for the sake of your gathering and your guests, could the person help you out by overlooking the shortcomings of the other guests/relatives during their time there. Most responsible adults will agree to that and apologize for any problems it may have caused if you use this approach.

4. If it gets intense, ask, in front of others, that you insist on keeping things civil at your home and thank them for their cooperation.

99 % of the time this should take care of things.

As we know, many people come to holiday gatherings that are already stressed, in some way, about the holiday. We all bring our own issues to a gathering and sometimes that may spill over into the event.

If you find you are at a high stress time in your life, you could also consider not going to the event and opt to stay home, relax, and renew? There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If you need permission for some reason, here it is. You can blame it on me.

My wish for you today is that you are able to gather with family and friends to share in a little food, fun, and fellowship while you relax with others. Keep it light and cherish the unique personalities of each individual. After all, most everyone there is likely looking for a way to relax and enjoy each other’s company, too. Make sure you are part of that enjoyment and you will have some fond memories of the holiday.

~ Joellen

As Thanksgiving approaches rapidly the song – Carolina in My Mind – is racing around inside my head. I think it may have started when I went to the James Taylor concert recently. It was one of the last songs he sang.

In the song, James says he thinks he hears the highway calling and suggests even the geese may be going that way. In part of the song he suggests that he may be going there in his mind, if nothing else.

There will be many of us headed in different directions over the upcoming holiday. These days, I prefer to drive. Airplanes aren’t bad, mind you, but a nice drive off the beaten path is one of the most exhilarating experiences I can think of on a long holiday weekend. It’s just want the doctor ordered if you live a busy and high stress life like I sometimes do sometimes and just need to take a break.

I was going to the North Carolina mountains after Thanksgiving but those plans changed recently. Now, I am going to spend some time right here with friends and am really looking forward to that time together. There are some fun things planned and I’m sure, when all is said and done, I will have stories to tell about that.

So where are you going for the holidays? Could you be coming to the Carolinas? Do you have Carolina on your mind right now?

The good things about living here are endless to describe. If you live in the middle of South Carolina, you can be at the beach or in the mountains in less than two hours. Our state is just the right size. It’s not too far from one end to the other. It also is pretty mild here during the winter. Though I like snow, I want to travel to get to it…not have it in my back yard all winter long. South Carolina does that for me. Give me just a little unexpected snow now and then and I’m happy…just like the snow they had in Charleston yesterday.

The thing I like about South Carolina the most is that you can be in the big city one minute and the dense countryside the next. For a country girl living in the suburbs, that’s a real plus.

My wish for you today, as you prepare for another Thanksgiving holiday, is that you celebrate it with people that are close to you, people that love and care about you and people that lift you up. Life is just too short to manage it any other way. Enjoy your time, whether you’re in the east, west, north, south or whether you’re “goin’ to Carolina in your mind.”

~ Joellen

I went to a James Taylor concert this past Friday night.

I had seen him perform back in 1973 at the Wofford College Coffee House. I saw him again when the Student Government of Baptist College in Charleston, South Carolina sponsored his concert. Since I was the vice president of the student council that year, we had front row center seats.

I closed my eyes a good deal during the concert this time just to see if James really did sound like the same person I remembered from 33 years ago.

He did.

Of course he looked different…but don’t we all. He doesn’t have much hair now but his voice is still the same. I hear, when you get older, that your voice will not stay at the same quality it was when you were younger. For me, as a singer, that has been the case.

With James it was different. He truly did sound just like he did years ago…except better.

The stage he performed on was a quite simply set…really sort of like the intimate stage he would perform on years ago. I think you’ve probably seen some of the more “seasoned” performers who, as they have gotten older, have added lots more lights and action to keep their performances fresh and current.

Not James.

He had the same simple, relaxed, performance he did during his early career start. His visuals did not include lasers. He did not use the young dancers or singers backing him up. In fact, he used a screen to show a choral group of people his age to sing backup. He also showed lots of pictures of him in his younger years…the ones most of the audience remembered from years ago.

The personal touch he shared with his listeners is just what we were there for. After all, many of us at this age grew up humming “You’ve Got a Friend.” Even today, I will hum it every now and then. I bet many of you are humming it right now.

In many ways, we all saw an old friend at that concert. Isn’t it great to have connections and memories like that?

My wish for you today is that you enjoy and appreciate the simple things in life…especially old friends.

~ Joellen

There’s a James Bond movie with the song – Nobody Does it Better.

I’ve always liked that song. I was reminded of it Friday when I called a close relative to see how she was doing.

I interrupted her while she was doing her housework. She was getting the house “presentable” for the 14 guests who were coming to her home for an early Thanksgiving family gathering. Some of those guests were already there and she was trying to work around them discretely.

It was taking twice as long because of that.

Now I don’t know about you, but I really don’t like to do housework much at this point in my life. Dusting, vacuuming and cleaning toilets has never been my favorite pastime.

I bet there are lots of you out there that feel the same way.

The only reason my house looks half way decent is because I’m not there much to mess it up. No kids running around, no spouse coming in and out with dirty work clothes, fishing gear, etc.

However, the house still needs attention every once in a while.

I tried using a housekeeper several times. It just didn’t quite work. They never seemed to take the love and care of my things that I did…just didn’t clean to suit me. I’ve thought about trying one out again but I think I’d rather have a little dust than to have someone come in.

As I’ve gotten older, I want to clean and keep the yard less and less. Not too sure what that’s about, but as long as I don’t have a health hazard looming in the house, on the patio or in the refrigerator, I’m fine.

There are those of us, however, who have different situations or have a different level of cleaning need.

I visited a friend in Spartanburg earlier this week and she has an immaculate house. It’s one of those old classic homes in a well settled neighborhood. When you walk in her home you feel the comfort and care she gives the place. Even though she recently had rotator cuff surgery, every piece of glass was dust free – as far as I could tell. There was lots of glass in the windows and on the mantle and plenty of places dust could settle if it wanted to.

I asked her if she had a housekeeper and she said “No. They just don’t care about my things like I do.”

She’s right, you know. No matter how good a housekeeper is, they just don’t take care of your things like you do.

The relative and I summed it up in our telephone conversation … “nobody does it better than me.” she said.

You know, she’s right.

So for all you women out there slaving away to make your home nice and clean for the family in your life, or just yourself, hats off to you. Keep up the good work because – nobody does it better!

Now for you men who are doing this as well, kudos to you. I don’t know many of you who do this kind of housework but, for those of you who do, you would get brownie points from me if I knew you.

My wish for you today is that, if you are the person responsible in your home for housekeeping, and you do it well, you have someone who appreciates that hard work and recognizes your efforts. If you don’t do housework, join the ranks of us who do just what we can get by with and keep enjoying life…nobody does it better than you!

~Joellen

PS: I have 10 coming for Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday…I guess I better go dust. 🙂