Reflections From a Country Girl

There’s a song Carrie Underwood sings called Don’t Forget to Remember Me. I love listening to it on the radio.

I thought about it the other day.

Have you ever been forgotten on a holiday by someone you care about? Maybe they forgot your birthday or anniversary. Now those are easy to forget if they don’t have a calendar…particularly if they aren’t good at things like cards or gifts.

There aren’t many women like that, but there are LOTS of men who aren’t really gift or card people. It doesn’t mean they aren’t good people, just not that kind of people.

Now mind you, they don’t mind of you share with them on special days…but to remember all the time for birthdays or anniversaries is not easy…especially if they don’t keep a calendar.

As much as I would like to say that’s forgivable, there are holidays when there is SO much advertising that there is simply no way someone could forget. Take Christmas and Valentine’s Day…even Mother’s Day and Easter…all holidays when a little remembering is a good thing and the advertising folks make darn sure you see it plenty of times on the television and in the newspapers.

Most of us women are good at celebrations because that is very important to us. We also expect our men to remember us on those days and to do it with joy.

However, we have to remember that our men don’t always remember those things the same way we do. Sometimes, they just don’t know where to start…much less…keep up with what we like, what kind of perfume we wear, etc. It’s a chore to them.

So how do we deal with a man who forgets or doesn’t value that in his life?

I actually had that happen to me on a significant holiday before.

Now I can tell you that did not set well with me. I LOVE celebrating holidays and it was distressing to me that I wasn’t remembered. Not one card. Not one flower. Not one gift. Nothing.

How did I handle that? After I got over being disgusted with not being remembered by any of the men in my life, I decided it was something I needed to clearly express. Oh, I have “modeled” that plenty of times but I had not really said it was important to me to be on the receiving end. I assumed the men in my life would know that.

Wrong.

You know what assuming does. 🙂

I decided since these men just didn’t get that it was important to me to be remembered on holidays, I would set out to tell each one, individually, that I needed and enjoyed recognition at holidays that I was important to them…and worthy of being remembered with sometime.

I also made sure they knew I wasn’t looking for diamonds, cars, or large gifts (though that would be nice)…just something that showed they cared and wanted me to know that other than the usual ways.

My wish for you today is, if you have men in your life that don’t do what you need to make you feel special on holidays, that you take it on yourself to make sure they know that is important to you. Trying to make them feel guilty doesn’t work. Explaining to them that you want to feel a little romanced or at least remembered on holidays is reasonable. There are some men out there that are naturals at this, most others need to be trained…and I mean gently so. Men, if you are not a card or gift giver my wish for you today is that you put that on your list of things to do, to begin noticing what your woman likes and to make sure you do SOMETHING for her on those holidays. I can guarantee you will see many rewards from this small but consistent effort and your relationship will be a stronger one. Just give it a try.

~ Joellen

Can you believe this song is over 18 years old? I bet every person who reads this today will know Don’t Worry, Be Happy and can hum the tune. Bobby McFerrin even won a Grammy for it.

Worrying is NOT a pleasant thing and really can mess up your life. Bobby shared that thought with us when he wrote the song.

I know several “professional” worriers. I swear, they worry all the way through the day and even go to sleep worrying if they will wake up in the morning!

Worrying has done much to destroy lives and take the joy out of living for millions of us. They say it can even lead to illness and death and take years off our lives.

On Friday night I happened to be home. This is rare for me, but I decided after a long day’s work to put on some comfy clothes, turn on my new ventless logs, and watch a little television without doing anything else. Usually, I am doing housework in between commercials. This time I just watched.

John Stossel hosted a two hour ABC show called Scared Stiff: Worry in America.

Man. I can’t believe anyone worries THAT much.

There is a great deal to be worried about today. I won’t list them all, but we could be worried all the time just about normal, everyday things.

Now THAT is scary.

To think we are walking around in our everyday lives with people who worry that much is disheartening in itself.

So are there those among you reading this that are worriers?

Here are some thoughts on the subject.

Worrying keeps us from being all we can be. We know life will throw us curves. We know we won’t always be happy. Worrying about how long we have on this earth, if we will get sick, if something will happen to the ones we love, etc. is only going to shrink the quality of our lives down.

In a sense, worry steals the best of who we are and throws it to the wind.

My brother in law and I talked briefly on the phone yesterday. He is reading a book that tells about a man who goes back to “make things right” in a number of parts of his earlier life. The man worried a great deal about those events and had a chance to go back to “fix” them. Turns our that many of those changes made little difference. Some did. Most didn’t.

Bottom line is, worrying about what happened in the past won’t do you a bit of good UNLESS you learn from it and don’t repeat whatever it was. Learning from the past, however, IS worth thinking about those things just a bit…but not fretting or worrying about it for long periods of time.

My wish for you today is that, if you are a worrier, you let it go and live your life as passionately as possible everyday. If you can’t shake that worried feeling, it may be a sign of depression and you might consider visiting a therapist or doctor to get a little help. Life is just too short to worry yourself all the way through it. Be as happy as you can and savor the moments life has to offer. If you are not a worrier but have a loved one that is then my wish for you today is that you help them as best you can get beyond that. Be patient while they are at that place, but don’t enable them to continue worrying without help. They may need your gentle encouragement to deal with it.

~ Joellen

The song, Abide with Me, reminds me of being human. Though some consider this a sad song, if you read the words or listen to them closely, it really offers encouragement for dealing with life and death.

Death can look so different to each of us.

For instance, there was the time right after my boyfriend asked me to marry him. Within the week we were picking out caskets at the local funeral home. He was a minister and said he had seen too many people ill prepared for dealing with the realities of death…so, we picked our caskets out before we even set the date we were to be married.

Now THAT’S preparation.

I even got in several of those caskets to try them out for size. I mean, after all, if you’re going to spend lots of time in one, the least you can do is make sure it fits.

All kidding aside, there are those that are on death’s doorstep, perhaps even cross over, and then come back. I think of my friend who was in a deep comma for months – and for no apparent reason. The only thing the doctors could think of to do after all the tests were run was to encourage people to come and talk with her as though she was right there carrying on a conversation. For some unknown reason, she snapped out of the coma and everyone marked it up to the talks.

There are those who have lots of time to prepare for death, and others who have no time at all. They are just there one moment and gone the next.

I suspect that, if you thought about it, it would be nice to know death was coming so you could plan. Come to think of it, we all know we will die eventually. Most of us, however, just don’t want to talk about it.

When my husband became ill we planned his funeral. That was very helpful in the long run. All I had to do was take the pages out of the book we put them in and take them to the funeral home. They did the rest.

I know many people who don’t even have a will today. That is scary. Talking with them only makes them uncomfortable about the whole thing. I suspect, in their case, ignorance is bliss.

So why the morbid subject?

It’s quite simple.

All of us need to prepare. If we really believe that God abides with us in life AND death, then doing a little pre planning will allow relatives to celebrate our life when we die without the worries of planning at the last minute. What a gift that will be for them.

My wish for you today is that you consider your death as you live full and joyful lives today. At least discuss what you want with your loved ones. Don’t leave them to second guess what you would want. They will be appreciative of your time on this even though it might be a bit uncomfortable. Who knows, it may even help you prioritize what’s really important in your life and help you live a fuller and happier one.

~ Joellen

Deal or No Deal is one of the most popular reality shows on television these days. Howie is a household name and his cute little bald head and spunky personality is just adorable!

Ever wonder why a show like Deal or No Deal is so popular? Do you have even the slightest idea why you would want to arrange your evening to watch it each time it’s on?

I suspect many of us dream of having extra money to buy the things we want but likely don’t need. Maybe it’s a fancy boat or car, maybe it’s those new designer curtains…maybe it’s just marketing at its best.

Whatever it is, millions of us go for it.

So what would you do for lots of money? Is there anything you absolutely wouldn’t do – regardless? The word “never” comes to mind, and my Mama told me never to say never because that would be the very thing I would do.

I try real hard not to say NEVER. That has been ingrained in my mind for years.

There was a movie in the past ten years or so where a married woman is offered a million dollars to spend just one night with a very attractive man. First she says no, but she and her husband talk about how nice it would be to have all the things they dreamed of. They decide she will take him up on his offer. What takes place after that night shows how she and her husband struggled with that decision.

I’m not sure about you, but I do know my Mama told me to ask myself how I would feel in the morning when I was tempted by something in the evening. She said, “If you don’t think you’d feel good about your choice, then make a different one!” I’ve lived by that most of my life. It seemed a reasonable comment at the time.

In addition to those kinds of temptations, there is also the attraction to spend a dollar or so a day to take a chance one might win the lottery. Friends tell me everyday “You can’t win if you don’t play.” Frankly, the way my luck goes, I could play one time and win. I’ve done that quite a bit in my lifetime in other ventures. I’ll never play bingo again after playing one card on a cruise during the “jackpot” round and winning over $750 with the friend I spilt the $20 card cost with. We were just bored and decided to buy a card at the last minute with all the others who played all week and sunk big bucks in the effort.

Making deals to make lots of money would be a temptation for most of us. I like to watch it on the television, but when it gets right down to it, I’ve always believed in working hard for what I get. After all, I have a nice sense of personal accomplishment from working hard to achieve my dream.

My wish for you today is that you work hard for what you want. Experience the satisfaction of a job well done. It’s ok to dream, though. If you find yourself in a Deal or No Deal situation, think twice about it and how you’d feel in the morning. If you’d feel ok with your choice, then enjoy the experience. Who knows, you might just win!

~ Joellen

I love that song, Oh, for a Thousand Tongues to Sing. I’ve been singing it since I was a kid at Camp Croft Baptist Church outside of Spartanburg.

It was at that church that I learned to love singing. In fact, if the truth be known, that was the reason I enjoyed going every Sunday. Singing drew my heart there.

As soon as they would let me, I began singing in that choir. I believe I was one of the youngest singers they ever had.

It was always a place I felt welcomed.

I’ve sung in a number of choirs and choral groups in my lifetime. Some were church choirs, others were smaller choral groups. I also loved to do solos and duets. My sister and I loved singing duets together. She still has a lovely voice after all these years.

I don’t sing in a group right now. Too many other commitments keep me from practicing regularly with a group. When I can, I do sing for events so, I keep my voice as flexible as possible for those opportunities.

One of the most important qualities of a good singer is to be a good listener.

This weekend, I will be a listener. You see, the Lexington Choral Society is performing this weekend in Lexington. There are over 100 voices in that group – led by Hal McIntosh – one of the best choral directors I have ever sung with. Besides being an accomplished performer and opera singer himself, he is passionately enthusiastic, knows how to effectively deal with divas, and is a master at encouraging timid singers to reach for new levels of talent within themselves. He can also make a group of over 100 sound like a few voices mastering harmony at its best.

There’s a place in heaven for someone like that. I also am amazed that so many people commit to the hours that it takes to make their voices blend together. When you see a group of singers that stays with it for years, you know that has so much to do with the leader. In this case, Hal MAKES one want to sing. He’s really that good!

If you have time, come hear them sing this weekend. They will perform at 7:30 pm on February 23rd and 24th at Saxe Gotha Presbyterian Church located at 5503 Sunset Boulevard in Lexington.

My wish for you today is that you embrace the wonder of many voices singing together in an amazing harmony whenever you can. You won’t be disappointed. There may not be 1000 tongues singing, but you will be enthralled by the over 100 you will hear. It will sound like heaven…and we can all use a little more of that.

~ Joellen