Reflections From a Country Girl

There’s a cute country song called “I’ve Been Watchin’ You.” A father sings the song about driving his small son in the back seat while he’s eating french fries and an orange drink. The father has to slam on the breaks and curses under his breath while he watches his son’s drink and fries fly across the car.

His son says a four letter word that starts with “s.”

“Who’d you learn that from?” His Dad asked.

Can’t you just see that young boy’s eyes gleam as he tells his Dad that he’s his buckaroo and wants to be like him and…ain’t it cool, he’s just like him?

Well, well.

The father goes out to the barn later that afternoon, gets on his knees, and asks God to help his “his stupid self” be a better role model.

So who’s watching you and what kind of example are you being?

All this said, when we’re around children or other impressionable minds, our actions are watched closely.

We could get paranoid about this but that’s not what this reflection is about. We all know we live in an imperfect world and none of us are perfect. That’s a relief.

The good news is that we can make some subtle changes in our behavior that can have a positive impact on others’ lives.

For instance, the father goes on to say that – later that evening – he sees his son on his knees at the bed praying. He asks, again, where’d you learn to do that…and discovers that his son has seen his Dad praying in the barn.

My wish for you today is that you make a positive difference in the lives of those around you whenever you can and that you take the time to seek out your spiritual resources to support you. Taking the time to reflect is good for all of us. We will be better at who we are if we take the time to do it.

~ Joellen

Tim McGraw sings a country song “Do You Want Fries With That?” It’s actually a very funny song in some ways. He talks about working this second job at a local fast food place and he hears a familiar voice through the speaker.

It’s his ex-wife’s man ordering happy meals.

The man drives up in the car this clerk once owned and, sure enough, it is him ordering food for the family the clerk knows so well.

Apparently, this man is working a second job to pay the ex-wife’s alimony and the child support. He suggests this customer took his wife, his kids, his life, the pool, the boat, his tools, the cat, the dog…sounds like just about everything.

He’s not happy about it at all….but has to ask, “Do you want fries with that?”

All kidding aside, the first time I heard that song I was driving down the road and I asked out loud “and exactly what did YOU do that caused you to lose all that?”

Some people find themselves in a royal mess in life.

As we all know, you just don’t discover yourself in this kind of situation over night. It takes a great many negative events to cause one to “lose their family and their life” like this guy apparently did in the song.

So do you find yourself in a stressful relationship situation? Usually, that means that at least one of you, if not both of you, are digging your heals in on at least one issue.

My question for you is…Do you REALLY want to go there? What do you want out of the situation you find yourself in? Are you angry, hurt, or just stubborn? What is it you need in order to be at a more peaceful place in your relationship? Or, do you really want to be in that relationship at all? Is it possible to work that out so both of you are happier?

It’s the first of 2007 and there are many New Year’s resolutions floating around. One of them could be, at least for you if you find yourself in a position like this, to become healthier in your relationship with the person you once thought you couldn’t live without…remember, the one you LOVE!

This relationship thing is really a big deal and one that many of us don’t want to be without. It can be such a positive part of life, but it takes work and some give and take from both sides. Remember, neither person in a relationship is perfect. It didn’t seem to matter that you weren’t perfect before. Remember, you did overlook imperfections in the one you loved when you first met.

Sometimes things change and people grow in different directions. It’s always important to take time to sit down and talk before it gets to the point this clerk found himself in.

Like I said, do you REALLY want to go there? If you can’t sort through things between the two of you in a civil manner, consider this. Maybe a talk with a neutral party to talk through what’s really going on in a relationship that’s suffering would be a good thing to think about. It may just be worth it.

By the way, it turns out that eating fries is one of the worse things you can do for your health, although that was probably the last think this server had on his mind when he offered them. It is ironic, however, if not down right funny.

My wish for you today is that you nurture your personal relationships in as positive a way as possible. Life is going to be full of those ups and downs. It’s the people that love and respect each other that can work through these things before they turn into “french fry” issues later.

~ Joellen

Robin Williams is one fine actor. He played a teacher in “Dead Poets Society” as he taught boys academically while he encouraged them to embrace life fully and in some unique – but healthy – ways. His comments – “Carpe Diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary.” – has stuck with me since I saw that film for the first time in 1989.

If you have or are raising a boy you know what I mean when I say – boys will be boys. In the movie, they found themselves in some situations that took them to challenging places. Come to think of it, girls can easily be and do the same kind of things…although – come to think of it – I’ve never really heard the term girls will be girls. 🙂

I believe finding oneself in challenging situations is what growing up is all about. After all, if you seize the day and it takes you to trouble, it’s not really where any of us WANT to be…just where we find ourselves winding up sometimes. It’s how you handle it that makes the difference.

As a young person, I remember doing a few things that “got me in trouble.” Most of the time I was a good girl, but there were times when I slipped. I think those times when I slipped helped me build character.

Let’s just put it this way, I have LOTS of character and I know many others who fit the same description.

It think one of the saddest things I see today are those people who are so comfortable with their existence that they don’t even think they need to seize the day…that it’s just fine to be exactly like they are. Now they may lead a comfortable and secure life with no apparent problems, but there is no enthusiasm for life and it shows.

Am I saying here that everyday is full of life changing events?

Darn right I am.

Each day we have on this earth can and does have something in it that can make us grateful we’re here. We just have to look beyond ourselves to see it.

If it’s one thing I’ve found since I started writing these daily reflections is that there ARE extraordinary things happening around me everyday. All of them are life changing and making me better at who I am because I choose to embrace them for what they are and make the best of them.

Are they all pleasant? No! In fact, some are darn right painful and VERY unpleasant.

And that is supposed to make us want to seize the day?

Absolutely!

Daily events help us all build character.

On my computer I have a quotation attached to it so I see it every morning when I open the computer. I can’t for the life of me remember where it came from, but it makes a difference in my day when I stop to read it.

It says “Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.”

My wish for you today is that you seize the day, embrace the challenges, and decide that you can make a positive difference in the world – one step at a time. We all ought to be able to say that our lives are extraordinary. Realizing just how lucky you are and taking the time to spread that good news among others can be quite a gift to lift the spirit to new heights. I encourage you to show others, by your actions, that they can be the same. Never mind if you’re not perfect. None of us are. Just strive to spread as much goodness as possible today and see if it makes a difference in your life.

~ Joellen

Carrie Underwood sings a song “Don’t Forget to Remember Me.” It’s a powerful tune about a young lady who goes out on her own and the various people in her life that she doesn’t want to forget. She asks several times in the song if those people will remember her as well.

I think we all want to be remembered in some way.

I was reminded of that song last night as I had dinner with three young adults.

One was my son’s girlfriend, Laura. Laura just turned 21 and starts an internship in Charlotte next week. Pierce, my 23 year old son who turns 24 on Sunday was also with us. Then there was my niece’s boyfriend, David.

David and I already had plans for dinner. I asked Pierce and Laura at the last minute since I knew it would be the last time I’d see her before she left to go to Charlotte.

Hanging out with young people is always fun. They have an enthusiasm for life that can be very contagious.

As I listened to their conversations and interjected my own thoughts, I realized that they all had a common thread that they likely didn’t even realize was there.

They each were involved in things that were making a positive difference in the lives of others.

Laura had just had her beautiful, long dark hair cut off. It looked great the way she wore it before. Her new hairdo made her even more of a breathtaking beauty. Laura’s hairdresser suggested that if she cut off one more inch than she had planned, she could donate it to “Locks of Love.” That organization takes the hair and “redesigns” it into wigs for cancer patients.

We celebrated her decision to do that.

David had just made a trip over to my house to drop off some things. He unloaded a trunk full of stuffed animals my niece, also named Laura, sent to me to donate to children who “needed them more than she did.” Laura grew up collecting stuffed animals and she had so many of them when she moved into her apartment near Raleigh, NC that they took up a whole closet and then more.

Laura grew up with most of them, but, as time went on, she knew they could do someone else good and she wanted to make sure they did. There will be plenty of opportunity for that where these are going locally. Some will even be sent to Romania to a church along with warm hats and scarves my mother is busy making.

Ironically enough, David’s Laura also had her long blonde hair cut several weeks ago to share it with “Locks of Love.” She looks lovely without the long hair. It’s not the first time she has done this and she began the process of growing it out again for the same reason.

David was gracious enough to bring those stuffed animals back from a visit to Raleigh so I could get them to where they needed to go. I don’t know many men who would carry around a car full of stuffed animals.  Not only did David do this simple thing to help out, but he also recently made some decisions regarding a job that made a powerful impact on his personal relationships. He put others first and had little regret about making that decision. It was his caring nature that led him there.

Then there is Pierce. Pierce was getting ready to help Laura load up her furniture on a U-Haul and drive it up, unload it, and help her arrange it. He was making this work in-between work appointments in Rock Hill and Charleston. He even arranged to have friends help unload things there in Charlotte so the move would be a little easier.

So what do all these have in common? They all remind me that as we walk through this life, it should be our goal to do things others will remember. For me, the evening was full of examples of that kind of spirit. It makes me glad to know each one of them. It makes me proud they are doing things for others in their own unique ways.

I won’t forget their kindnesses. In fact, I will remember each of them for their thoughtfulness and caring attitudes.

My wish for you today is that you spend time listening to young people. Encourage them to do things that make a difference and savor the moments when they share with you how doing things for others fits into their daily lives. Your life will be enriched by seeing into the giving nature of our youth. Sometimes you may have to sort through other issues to find it, but it is often there if nurtured and encouraged. Be an encourager. You may just be remembered, like these young people are, for the small but powerful differences one can make in the world today.

~ Joellen

Do you keep a diary or journal?

One of the most famous ones I know of is the “Diary of Ann Frank.” If you’ve ever read that book, you know the power of the written word.

My son, Pierce, said to me several years ago that I should write down the stories I told him. He said he simply could not remember them all. I think he knew he would forget some of them and didn’t really want to, but just knew he probably would. So, several years ago, I started writing the stories down with a goal to give them to him in a three ring binder for Christmas one year.

The stories I was writing were all true.

One day I realized I had to include a story that I had told Pierce earlier, but had not told some other family members that needed to hear it, particularly my mother. I had kept that secret – one of the darker places in my childhood for six years – from her. If I were to write the story I knew I needed to tell her. After all, life is not full of rosy moments all the time. We all know there are challenges and pain in our lives we must deal with from time to time. This secret was kept for over 43 years.

I had good reason for not mentioning it to her before. After all, he had died and was no longer a threat to me or my family. I actually I had been caught laughing at his funeral but it was so long ago my mother didn’t even remember the incident.

It was all too clear to me in my memory.

Yesterday I went to see a movie call “Freedom Writers.” It stared Hillary Swank teaching a diverse group of inner city youth who were in constant battles, saw shootings of friends on a weekly basis, and who represented the tough “gang like” groups. Without giving the plot away, let’s just say that some of the class work she had the students doing represented the title of the movie – “Freedom Writers” – well.

As I sat there watching the process they went through on the screen, it reminded me of the process I went through to write those stories for my son.

After two years, I completed the stories and my goal was to get those in that binder for Christmas this year. I had friends read the stories for corrections and was told quickly that I needed to publish them…that the stories I told needed to be read by more than just my son and relatives.

One thing led to another and I can say that I’ve been a published book author for over two months now. The book is a collection of 62 true short stories. It has been an amazing journey for me….and yes, has lead me to “freedom” I did not expect to occur along the process.

Maybe you have some things worth writing about. If for nothing else, just the experience of writing is satisfying. To be able to bear your soul this way is an amazing journey in itself.

For me, not only does my son get the benefit of always having those stories to refer back to and share with his children and grandchildren long after I’m gone, but I had a chance to share those thoughts with the world in a book – Sardines, Cheese and Soda Crackers: Reflections From a Country Girl. For someone who never considered herself a writer at all, that is a miracle. In many ways, writing has freed my spirit and made me a freedom writer of sorts.

My wish for you today is that you rediscover writing and the amazing journey it can take you on in your life. You may think you have nothing to offer until you see the path you’ve come from in writing. Maybe you, too, will become a “Freedom Writer.”

~ Joellen