Reflections From a Country Girl

I knew one day I would write about this song Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton sing together – When I get Where I’m Going. They sing about what they will do when they get on the far side of the sky…maybe ride a raindrop or walk with someone they loved who went ahead of them. They sing about no more fears or pain…and only happy tears.

It was just a matter of time before I had to write about this song.

Yes, life takes you in all kinds of directions…and it takes some of us there faster than others.

When I got home this after work, an e-mail was there that made my heart heavy.

It was from my childhood friend, Peggy, in Spartanburg. She and her family moved from the neighborhood in third grade. We did go and play at their place sometime but over the years we lost touch.

You can imagine the surprise when they saw an article in the Spartanburg paper about my book before Christmas and she sent me an e-mail. She and her sister came to the book signing that Sunday afternoon and we caught up on old times…all in that very brief afternoon.

They both looked great and we promised to stay in touch.

Yesterday they found out cancer was all over her sister’s body and there was no way to operate. The best they could do was giving her some radiation treatments to ease the pain she would start to have and then, she would likely have about two months.

Peggy is devastated.

So what do you say to someone who hears this kind of news? What would you do if you are the one dealing with it? What if you were that person who heard the news you had little time left?

We all go through life thinking that we have lots of time. Until someone tells us otherwise, we don’t think much about it.

I don’t have magic answers to ease the pain they feel. But I will tell you, having experienced a long illness with a husband for over three years before he died, it does make you look at things a whole lot differently.

While Peggy’s sister apparently has little time left on this earth and it may be painful at that, there are things that a family can do to help that transition from this life to the next.

Here are my thoughts on this….and what one might consider if you are dealing with a life threatening illness or have someone close to you who is.

If you are the one that got the bad news:

Embrace life to the fullest between now and then as health permits. Do something you have always wanted to do but haven’t yet.

Tell you loved ones what you will miss about each of them. Make sure you share how proud you are of their accomplishments and that your spirit and love will always be with them.

Allow your loved ones to grieve in whatever way they need to. Tell them you will be ok and so will they…that you want them to life their life to the fullest and do as much good in this world as possible.

Write notes to each person you want to share a note with and seal each separately. Ask someone you trust to share the notes at the right time….maybe it will be a wedding or a graduation you will miss….

Plan your funeral or memorial service and discuss the details with the one who will be planning it. Make sure it is written down….make it a celebration of your life. It will be kind to your family to just take your wishes to the funeral home and hand it to off to the folks instead of your loved ones having to make decisions after you are gone.

Cherish the blessings you will have between now and then and embrace the moments you have left.

If you are a caregiver or someone who loves a person who has just gotten this news:

Make sure you share how much that person means to you with them in many ways … cards, talks, visits, calls…whatever works best for you.

Perhaps take a trip to the beach, mountains or river that both of you said you may have wanted to do…even if it means just for a short period of time.

Just sit and talk…reminisce…laugh at the funny things and cry at the sad ones….

Share prayers with each other for inner strength and peace.

Celebrate life as much as possible between now and then.

I love Peggy and her sister and my life is better because they have been and are in it. Having a sister I can tell anything to myself, I certainly can somewhat imagine what it is like with news like this.

I also know that, in the darkest moments, there can be blessings beyond belief if you open your heart to them and embrace the moments. I suspect Peggy and her sister are getting ready for some remarkable moments between now and then. Blessings and prayers to them and any others of you out there who are experiencing life’s end here on earth.

My wish for you today is that you embrace life to the fullest and find strength and peace when physical trouble comes and the end is near. The path between this life and the other will be filled with mystery and wonder if you are prepared. You are sure to help others, and yourself, find the blessings in it if you embrace it with those you love.

~ Joellen

All My Rowdy Friends are Coming over Tonight is one of those fast paced – get yourself in trouble – country songs.  Hank Williams, Jr. sings the song about being a mess but inviting all his rowdy friends over for a party at his place in the woods anyway.

Don’t know about you, but I would have to have a place in the woods to have a party like that.  If I even thought about a wild party with my friends in my neighborhood I’d be in big trouble.  The houses are so close together that it would make for some interesting talk later on.  Even though I frequently invite my neighbors to my gatherings, there’s only so much partying you can do in my neighborhood.

Now I do have parties and folks over that enjoy each other’s company…just no pigs in the ground cooking or lots of beer on ice like the song says.

My favorites are theme parties.

I once had a wedding party with some of the people I worked with.  We were all married or were in-between marriages or relationships.  We had a Greek wedding feast – complete with ouzo and homemade baklava – and brought our wedding pictures.  Most brought their wedding gowns.  A few of them could still wear theirs and modeled them for the rest of us while we looked on with a bit of envy.

Holiday parties are always fun to have.  Valentine’s Day we had a party once when my son was small.  I’ll never forget the look on his face when he saw his Dad dressed like Cupid.

Then there was St. Patty’s Day when his Dad, once again donned a costume.  This time he was a Leprechaun…though I don’t think I’ve seen one quite like that since.  I still have some of that costume that is over 23 years old now.

The biggest party, which was rowdy just because of the crowd involved, had 397 people come through my house in four hours during the Christmas season. Having that many people come in a house in four hours was a miracle in itself! Thank goodness there were lots of ways in and out.  I cooked for two months before this one.

The weirdest party I had was at Halloween.  I think everyone tried to out do the other in both costume and appetizers.  The one food I just could not make myself eat was a green dip filled pumpkin with plastic bloodshot eyeballs looking up at you.   I heard it was good but I wasn’t about to eat anything that had eyeballs looking up at me.

There was also chocolate covered palmetto bugs that I refused to eat.  Someone had carefully made the solid chocolate bugs from a candy mold.  However, because I simply can not stand those bugs, I was not about to eat something that looked like one.

Who in the world makes palmetto bug candy molds anyway?

One of the most interesting parties was the one between Christmas and New Years where we all dressed up like cowboys and cowgirls.  That turned out to be a really fun time since many of the people there really were cowboys and cowgirls.  Come to think of it, we were a little rowdier than usual…but what cowboys aren’t?

These are just a few of the more memorable ones I’ve had.  There are even stranger ones I was invited to – like the “murder mystery party” where we had to come as one of the characters involved in a murder.

Come to think if it, it’s about time for another one. Humh…what will the theme be?

I’ll let you know how it turns out.

My wish for you today is that you take some time to have fun in life and spice your parties up a little…but not too much.  I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble with the neighbors and whatever you do, don’t say Joellen said it was ok to have a rowdy party!

~  Joellen

I get lots of e-mails on a daily basis.  The other day one really caught my eye.  It was from my local legislator – Chip Huggins.

Now whether he’s your favorite or not makes no difference to me.  Somehow he got my e-mail address and he was asking what I thought about a particular piece of legislation they were working on right then.

Yep, he wanted my thoughts on a topic that was up for debate.

I just want to know, does your legislator ask your opinion about anything?

It’s always been my belief that, once in there, they pretty much do what they feel is right, but not necessarily based on what their constituents think.

So, Mr. Huggins went up in my book that day.

Any of you who know me or read my articles on a regular basis know I am not without opinion.

Fact is, I like to be asked what my attitude is on a subject…and I’m not scared to say what I think…in, of course, as diplomatic a way as possible.

So thanks, Chip, for asking my thoughts on the subject.  I sure hope you do that again.

I think it would be very helpful if all our legislators would do this on a regular basis.  It sure would help them in their knowing about some issues they seemingly know little about – but are expected to make informed decisions on.

My wish for you today is that you be in touch with your legislator.  Tell them what you feel passionate about and encourage them to ask you regularly when it comes to their votes on issues that affect you.   Just do it in a respectful way.

~ Joellen

I decided this weekend I needed to get everything out of the closet in my office.

This was a major undertaking since I had all my receipts and tax papers for the last five years stored in there, along with most the family board games, books, some dishes carefully wrapped, etc.

You get the picture.  It was a mess.

With renewed energy after a good night’s sleep, I began the process at 5:45 a.m. on Saturday morning.

There was so much in there that I had to line it up and down the hall.

It took hours and finally I was able to begin to think about what needed to stay and go, how long I had to keep those boxes of yearly tax files, and what I needed to do with the one for this year.

Last night I completed the task.  It took two days of sorting through everything and then I processed this year’s papers to get ready for the accountant to work with me on my taxes.

Thank goodness for accountants.

I think it’s good to clean out a closet every so often.  After all, most of us can do with a good cleaning out every once in awhile.  It may be that you have those kinds of closets somewhere in your house.  It may be you have some things stored in the crevices of your mind that need to come out, dust themselves off, and deal with them so you can move on.

Whether you are cleaning out closets in your home or your mind, it’s best to do it regularly.

I actually found a few surprises in the things I took out of the closet this time.  There were a few things I thought I had misplaced, and some things I had lost I didn’t even remember losing!

Its great starting the week refreshed after having taken the time to deal with the closet and the taxes…gives me a new lease on life.

My wish for you today is that you are able to clean out the closets in your life and find the same refreshing start that can occur when you discover what surprises or treasures may be hidden there.

~ Joellen

Ever have so many things going on in your mind that you need to take a mental break?

I have been thinking of retirement, relationships, my child and family, my current job and a several other things lately.

The days have been beautiful and warm here. I’ve found myself feeling like I didn’t really want to be in the office working.

That’s not unusual for many of us. A beautiful spring day coming off a mild winter brings out the spontaneous part of me. The other day I actually thought of driving two hours after work to the beach just to see the ocean.

For me, I know it’s getting close to springtime when I start feeling like that.

Instead, I took a little afternoon jaunt with my mother and we had a great time riding around, looking at the lake and visiting with some friends.

Yesterday I still had that in my system and decided to take a ride way out in the country. Yep, I just got in the car and rode.

You see, for me, taking a ride clears my mind and I needed that. Turning on a little music, opening the windows, and smelling the fresh air does it for me.

The flowers were blooming everywhere, the sun was peeking through the clouds and it was a beautiful sunset coming back over the dam from Lexington.

By the time I got home I had solved the world’s problems…or at least sorted through mine a little.

My wish for you today is that you take the time to be spontaneous sometimes and do something that is not a normal pattern for you everyday. It may just make life a lot clearer for you.

~ Joellen