When I get Where I’m Going
I knew one day I would write about this song Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton sing together – When I get Where I’m Going. They sing about what they will do when they get on the far side of the sky…maybe ride a raindrop or walk with someone they loved who went ahead of them. They sing about no more fears or pain…and only happy tears.
It was just a matter of time before I had to write about this song.
Yes, life takes you in all kinds of directions…and it takes some of us there faster than others.
When I got home this after work, an e-mail was there that made my heart heavy.
It was from my childhood friend, Peggy, in Spartanburg. She and her family moved from the neighborhood in third grade. We did go and play at their place sometime but over the years we lost touch.
You can imagine the surprise when they saw an article in the Spartanburg paper about my book before Christmas and she sent me an e-mail. She and her sister came to the book signing that Sunday afternoon and we caught up on old times…all in that very brief afternoon.
They both looked great and we promised to stay in touch.
Yesterday they found out cancer was all over her sister’s body and there was no way to operate. The best they could do was giving her some radiation treatments to ease the pain she would start to have and then, she would likely have about two months.
Peggy is devastated.
So what do you say to someone who hears this kind of news? What would you do if you are the one dealing with it? What if you were that person who heard the news you had little time left?
We all go through life thinking that we have lots of time. Until someone tells us otherwise, we don’t think much about it.
I don’t have magic answers to ease the pain they feel. But I will tell you, having experienced a long illness with a husband for over three years before he died, it does make you look at things a whole lot differently.
While Peggy’s sister apparently has little time left on this earth and it may be painful at that, there are things that a family can do to help that transition from this life to the next.
Here are my thoughts on this….and what one might consider if you are dealing with a life threatening illness or have someone close to you who is.
If you are the one that got the bad news:
Embrace life to the fullest between now and then as health permits. Do something you have always wanted to do but haven’t yet.
Tell you loved ones what you will miss about each of them. Make sure you share how proud you are of their accomplishments and that your spirit and love will always be with them.
Allow your loved ones to grieve in whatever way they need to. Tell them you will be ok and so will they…that you want them to life their life to the fullest and do as much good in this world as possible.
Write notes to each person you want to share a note with and seal each separately. Ask someone you trust to share the notes at the right time….maybe it will be a wedding or a graduation you will miss….
Plan your funeral or memorial service and discuss the details with the one who will be planning it. Make sure it is written down….make it a celebration of your life. It will be kind to your family to just take your wishes to the funeral home and hand it to off to the folks instead of your loved ones having to make decisions after you are gone.
Cherish the blessings you will have between now and then and embrace the moments you have left.
If you are a caregiver or someone who loves a person who has just gotten this news:
Make sure you share how much that person means to you with them in many ways … cards, talks, visits, calls…whatever works best for you.
Perhaps take a trip to the beach, mountains or river that both of you said you may have wanted to do…even if it means just for a short period of time.
Just sit and talk…reminisce…laugh at the funny things and cry at the sad ones….
Share prayers with each other for inner strength and peace.
Celebrate life as much as possible between now and then.
I love Peggy and her sister and my life is better because they have been and are in it. Having a sister I can tell anything to myself, I certainly can somewhat imagine what it is like with news like this.
I also know that, in the darkest moments, there can be blessings beyond belief if you open your heart to them and embrace the moments. I suspect Peggy and her sister are getting ready for some remarkable moments between now and then. Blessings and prayers to them and any others of you out there who are experiencing life’s end here on earth.
My wish for you today is that you embrace life to the fullest and find strength and peace when physical trouble comes and the end is near. The path between this life and the other will be filled with mystery and wonder if you are prepared. You are sure to help others, and yourself, find the blessings in it if you embrace it with those you love.
~ Joellen