The “Credit Score†Approach to Relationships
These days, a good credit score is essential. Credit scores:
affect interest rates you can get on car loans, credit cards and home loans. Â
establish how you pay your bills on time
show how much you owe others
identify the way you use your credit
explain the kind of mix you have in credit
keep track of the number of times you ask for credit
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Even Uncle Sam arranged for us to get free credit reports from the three major credit report companies yearly so we can find out how we are doing on our credit. I think they believed it would make us take a look at ourselves to see if we are doing what is right and, if not, do something about it. I think it is hard for some of us to do that…as this recent financial collapse suggests. Â
My credit score is great and I work hard to keep it that way. It takes lots of dedication and hard work to maintain the score. It doesn’t just happen overnight. It takes years of consistently smart decision making to have a good score. Â
Just as a good credit score is essential, it is also important to have a good score in a relationship with a partner. Not that anyone is keeping track … but we do in some way – whether we admit it or not. Some of us cling to the good things our relationships have to offer…others build up a list of the bad things and never let them go but keep adding to them as the relationship continues. These kind of relationships would often fall within a 400 or below credit score…a dangerous place to be in the financial world today.Â
There are some of us that have such a great score when it comes to relationships that we are admired and envied by others. After all, when you are in that kind of relationship where you both give just a little more than you get, you should always be on solid ground.
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There are many positive relationships like this and they are ones that are filled with the give and take necessary for success. Each partner works hard to keep the score even – or close to it – and it shows with the trust and caring that each partner contributes. Partners in this kind of relationship try hard each day to make it work. They generally are the ones that get pretty high rates of return on all their relationship investments. They would fall in the over 750 credit score rating…a great place to be today. Â
From the outside, you can see how they give and take. Just like a credit score takes note of how you pay your bills on time, good relationships have an easily identifiable record of how each partner “pays their bills on time†by being constantly aware of the needs of the other person and comfortably identifying how they can continue the pattern of loving support.  It’s a comfortable task and is easily carried out – but it is because of hard work from both partners that it is successful. Â
These relationships don’t only support each other, but they identify ways of giving to others in the extended family and community by “showing how much they owe others.†The partners have just enough to give to others through being a good listener, helping others in time of need, and doing it together as a team so it enriches both partners. They do it regularly with a sense of care and genuine concern. The giving enriches the relationship between themselves as a team even more. This is often called “paying it forward.â€
Just as “identifying how you use your credit†is important in a credit report, so it is in relationships. In a one sided relationship, one gives a great deal and the other is willing to accept it…but sometimes does little in return…thus depleting the other of the joy of even wanting to give. If it is all take and no give, sooner or later it is damaging. Identifying how you “give†in your relationship and how you “take†from your partner is crucial if you want to succeed in building a strong team. Being able to “explain the kind of mix you have†is essential.Â
“Keeping track of the times you ask for credit†is just as critical in a relationship with another as it is in the credit report industry. Given the competition in the field, just about any mortgage broker will be happy to run a credit report for you to see where you stand — even if you’re not planning to buy a house for a year — to get you prequalified. In relationships, there are plenty of folks out there that can help out when a relationship is struggling. Often ministers or counselors give you a first visit free just to get you going and size up where you need to be headed … just like getting “prequalified†for a loan.
There are many of us in trouble when it comes to credit. There are also many of us in trouble when it comes to relationships and how much we put into them. I suspect that is the reason there are so many divorces these days. Some just do not want to take time, like those who find themselves in financial woes, to make sure their relationship is on solid ground. Since it takes two to make a difference – one can do little but stay put or leave if the other is not willing or able to change the damaging patterns. Tough decisions are often very difficult to make when it is so one-sided – especially when in means making radical change. Â
It takes years to build a good credit report and years to correct a bad one. The same goes for relationships. It takes years to build a good one and a great deal of energy and time to maintain and/or repair a bad one. Â
My wish for you today is that both your credit score and your relationship is a good one. If not, and you really feel either/both are worth saving … take the time to repair them if you able to, and you will not find yourself in a fix with a high risk situation. If, however, the relationship is not worth repairing – or both partners don’t or won’t take the time to repair it – then get out of it and move on. Start over. Life is too short to shortchange yourself on either your relationships or your credit responsibilities. It will take some time and energy but, in the long run, it will be worth it.Â
~ Joellen