Reflections From a Country Girl

Many of us have seen the movie “The Bucket List” that came out in 2007.  Even if you haven’t seen it, you probably know the term “bucket list”.  What you many not have considered is how that concept fits into your everyday life.  

When it comes to relationships, I think a bucket list is essential.  Many of us have that list stored away in the recesses of our mind, but few of us probably look at it that way and even fewer may be marking things off the list regularly. 

So, what do you need out of your life with that person you find yourself waking up next to?  Have you asked yourself the question “What do I need to do in this relationship (or another one) before I die?”  What do I want to be with that man or woman I find myself so near to…and maybe, sometime, so far away from?

It’s an interesting question to ponder.

 

I had an exceptional marriage with my son’s father.  As I look back on that time, it was not perfect.  It was, however, everything I thought I wanted in a relationship with the man I chose to marry over 30 years ago now.  We had our ups and downs, but the core of the relationship was based on trust, compassion, care, joy, love and growth.  

We were married eleven years before he died 19 years ago.   We had two fabulous children, one of whom died when he was barely two.  It didn’t last long enough for us to see where it would have gone and what kind of “bucket list” we might have made had we grown old together.  

In many ways, however, I think we lived a “bucket list” life.  You see, he was a minister and we saw way too many deaths happen suddenly not to have a vigor for life and doing things now instead of when we “retired”.  We did more living in those eleven years than many do in a lifetime…and there were no regrets for the time we spent together.  We had a “half full glass” relationship instead of a “half empty” one.  

Since my husband’s death, and for the past three years, I have been fortunate enough to be in a relationship with my college sweetheart, the man I dated right before I met my husband.  We’ve had some remarkably happy times.  He brought out my playful side and gave me great joy in many areas of my life.  

There were also some challenges we just could not seem to work around.  We recently decided to call it quits.  It seemed to be the right thing for both of us.

Whenever I find myself at the end of a project or trying to decide what to do in my life next, I make myself a list.  In this case, I guess you could call it a “bucket list” for relationships…for things I must have – for things I don’t want to do without – for things I deserve in a good partnership.    

As I move along in a new phase of my life, I wrote myself a “bucket list” of what I need in a relationship if I am to thrive.  Here it is.  I have shared it with my closest friends and family so they could “be on the lookout” for someone who may have many of these qualities and is looking for someone who can enrich his life just as much as he can enrich mine.  

My Relationship “Bucket List” 

“…Meanwhile, if I get in another relationship, it will be with a man who is secure in himself, looks at life positively (at least most of the time), who has a great sense of humor, who savors life in many ways and is at least willing to try some new things, who has a good relationship with his family, who is financially responsible – not rich (necessarily) but who is secure in his financial state, who appreciates me regularly for what I do in our relationship, who will occasionally pamper me (…shoot…since I’m dreaming here…who will pamper me EVERY day), who is compassionate, who appreciates my being a part of the various activities of his life and who understands if I occasionally make different choices about being involved in them or not, someone who will remember how much I love flowers and who will send them to me without occasion “just because”, someone who knows I will give 100% and who will do his best to make me believe I am getting just a little more from him than that, who is grounded but not obsessed about his faith, who has the capability of encouraging me to be who I am/will become while becoming who he is (and who knows he will be supported by me in that), someone who appreciates my love of music/piano and will enjoy both listening to me and going with me to musical events, someone who is not scared of being spontaneously playful, someone who will want to take long walks with me, etc…not someone perfect but at least who has most of these qualities – some of which are obviously more negotiable than others…”

My wish for you today is that you don’t stay in a relationship rut without making an effort to facilitate positive change, make the change, or get out of the energy draining time you spend together that does not allow you to become who God made you.  Make that “Bucket List” and start working.  It will be well worth it to you in the long run.  

~ Joellen

This entry was posted on Monday, September 29th, 2008 at 3:28:am and is filed under Health, Living Life to the Fullest, LOVE, Making wise choices, Relationships - Marriage, Relationships - Singles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.