Reflections From a Country Girl

Over this past week my mother has been in a local hospital.  

The hospital she is in has been my hospital of choice for years.  I know many of the staff there and have had faith in the services the hospital provides for over 18 years.

There are those who are truly well grounded in both their medical knowledge.  They are equally skilled in sizing things up quickly and efficiently to provide good quality treatment for the whole person.  

As with any profession, however, there are also those who lack refined skills in some of the afore mentioned area.  My family and I  have had the “opportunity” to deal with some of those this week.  

It would be too long to share those detailed instances with you here.  However, I want to do something that is even more important.  I want to mention some things you should know about medical professionals and being an advocate for your loved one BEFORE you have to go to a hospital so you can make sure you get the quality care you deserve. 

1. Make sure you know if your doctor has the ability to practice in the hospital of your choice.  Many doctors do not “practice” in a hospital (or maybe in the hospital your loved one is taken to) and have to refer you to others when you are in need of hospital services.  These doctors may or may not “consult” with your doctors.  We happen to get ones that didn’t seem to want to consult with anyone else and it has been very frustrating to work with them…particularly since my mother has doctors who have treated her for years and know medical history better than I do. If you believe, like we do, that it is critical for medical professionals to collaborate on care, then you could well be out of luck if you find yourself in a position like we have.  

2. Keep notes about treatment visits.  My family and I have done this for years since we share in responsibilities of taking our mother back and forth to several doctors.  It is great to have notes on what happened at medical visits to review and, in our case, it was critical regarding a particular medication my mother had been on several years ago.  

3. You MUST advocate for your loved one…regardless of how uncomfortable it may make doctors or nurses feel.  No one else is going to do a better job than you on this. 

4. DO NOT let medical staff intimidate.  This is not the time to be a wimp.  Deal with them respectfully, but if you are not getting what you need, use your problem solving skills as proactively as you can to assure the best treatment possible.  When it is your loved one you MUST take the initiative to ask questions, be proactive, and make sure he/she is getting the best treatment possible. 

5. Take advantage of all your resources when in the hospital…the daily medical staff and, if necessary, the patient advocacy staff.  Make SURE you ask questions and don’t be afraid to voice concerns.  A good medical professional will deal with those concerns confidently and work with you to address them while understanding them.  They will also tell you just what they can and can not do so you are aware of what you need to take a stronger stand on.

 

6. Consider processing medical power of attorney and living will documents. Hospitals actually have staff who can help with this at no cost to you.  It’s important to know what your loved one’s wishes are AND it helps in dealing with medical professionals if you have a healthcare power of attorney.

 

7. DON’T be afraid to change doctors if they are not addressing things appropriately.  In my mother’s case, she has a number of medical issues.  When a doctor does not want to treat the whole person and just wants to concentrate on one issue – and your attempts to get them to deal with all the issues fails – then fire them and get someone else.  We actually had to do this. Yes, we fired the doctors and got someone else we trusted to take over her treatment.  It took an act of congress, but we got the best treatment for her by doctors who know her medical history and are collaborating on her care now with each other and the family.

 

8. If you are the primary advocate for your loved one, make sure you take time to recoup from your involvement in the process.  It is critical that you have some down time.  It is critical that you take time for yourself.  Find family or friends to stay with your loved one for awhile.  Find ways to refresh yourself so you will be the best advocate you can be when helping in making those medical decisions. Do not let anyone guilt you into not taking time for yourself.  You can not make good decisions of you are worn out.

 

9. If friends and family ask what they can do, take them up on their offer.  Let them bring a meal or go for a quick meal at their home. Let them visit with your ill loved one for awhile and give yourself a little break.  A friend and her girls came over and brought lunch.  They helped me get the gas logs in the fireplace started and we just sat there for awhile and relaxed, talked, laughed and visited. Close relatives offered to stay with my mother for the day and other friends had me over for a quick dinner one evening.  Let friends and family be there for you and it will help you be a better advocate later. 

My wish for you today is that you never have an ill loved one.  As much as we all would want this, it is inevitable that our loved ones will get old and need medical help.  When you find yourself in the position of being a caregiver, be brave, be bold, be an advocate for the one you love.  Then, if and when your loved one is gone, you will find peace in knowing you did your best to preserve a quality life for as long as possible.  

~ Joellen

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 18th, 2007 at 8:19:am and is filed under Aging parents, Conflicts, Life & Events, Medical. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.