Reflections From a Country Girl

Stevie Wonder is known for so many great songs. There is one I particularly like of his called – Don’t You Worry Bout a Thing.

Worry…a small word with a BIG meaning.

It takes the best of us and can wear us down to a feeling of helplessness in the snap of a finger.

Some of us can talk ourselves out of this with relative ease and we’re back to our usual perky selves. Others of us take a real hit every time we worry – and we worry lots ’cause there are so many things in this world to worry about. It takes some of us awhile to get beyond that feeling.

Now, it doesn’t mean any of us are less good or bad for this. There are really many things to worry about in this life. In fact, it’s just a fact of life sometimes.

I have friends and loved ones that are wired to worry often. They are all people I care about deeply, so when I see or hear of them worrying, I do what I can to help. I can’t solve the issues for them, but I can support them through them while they work on getting to a better place.

So what if you are a worrier? Here are some thoughts about that and what you might consider.

1. Remember that being a worrier doesn’t mean that you are less loveable. Those who love you will do so regardless of your stage of worrying…so you make sure you surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you and are positive and uplifting. The WORSE thing you can do is to be alone and not have support. Now I don’t mean being married here but, if you are that’s great. That is, of course, if they are supportive. If you don’t have someone in your home, do like AA does and have a buddy you can call when you feel down. That will make ALL the difference in the world.

2. If you worry frequently, you may find that exercise will help. Try that out.

3. Treat yourself to a healthy diet. The more you do that, the better you can feel.

4. Talk with your doctor to make sure your anxiety is not being aggravated by something physical.

5. If your anxiety lasts longer than usual and you just can’t seem to shake it, consider finding a professional counselor or psychologist that can help you take a deeper look at that. It could be that you could benefit from regular talks and maybe simple medications that can help ease that feeling. I know many people who have been able to benefit from that kind of help and they say it’s the best thing they ever did for themselves.

Now, if you have a loved one that suffers from worry or anxiety, here are a few things to consider.

1. Make sure your loved one KNOWS you love them and that their worry will not make you think less of them. Hugs are tremendous helps as well as doing things like calling them at the office and singing (or speaking) a few encouraging words. Some of my favorites are things like – I love you, you are the sunshine of my life, my life is better because you are in it, I’m sure lucky to have you in my life, I can’t wait to see you…etc. I’m sure you have your own little sayings you could share. IF you are not prone to doing this, try it out. It will be well worth the time and energy.

2. Communicate – one of the worse things one can do when a loved one is having anxiety or worry is not to talk at all. That makes the other person feel even more so that something is wrong with them or that you don’t love them anymore. I know a few folks who are prone to worry and do not have a strong support system at home. It’s sad and can be down right dangerous for the relationship.

3. Communicate – Some of my friends have adjusted to not having support at home by finding others to talk with. That is usually a healthy alternative, but only if it is a person that is trusted. The BEST person to get support from is a spouse or loved one, if you have one, but sometimes that is not possible because of a variety of factors. If you find you have a spouse or significant other that is having anxiety or worry, the BEST thing to do is to support the loved one openly and lovingly. It can get complicated if your spouse has to seek other means of support JUST because you’ve forgotten (or maybe never knew) how to talk with each other. Don’t let that happen to you.

4. Communicate – If you have a good communication going on with an ailing spouse or significant other and it just does not seem to be enough, encourage the person to go to someone who is qualified to help sort through issues. Go with them if you can and they want you to. Show them that you love them that much and want them to find that peaceful place in their lives where they can be as happy as possible.

5. Love them through it. Period.

My wish for you today is that you never have to experience worry or anxiety. If you do, I hope you have someone there to support you through it. If you don’t, find someone…a friend, a counselor, another trained professional. You NEVER have to go it alone…and you “don’t have to worry bout a thing” forever. There is a place of peace in your heart and soul if you seek to find it and embrace it. Love yourself enough to find it.

~ Joellen

Emerson Drive sings a song called “A Good Man.” The lyrics are simple but poignant with a chorus that says, when he dies, he just wants to be remembered for being a good man.

Yesterday, a family I have watched these past few years buried just that kind of man.

His name was Danny and he was a towering man with a gentle nature. He had a great sense of humor and was never overbearing, just loving and kind to his family, wife and friends.

Danny had been battling cancer for nine years. I knew him to be someone I enjoyed being around. His upbeat, positive nature was infectious.

Danny’s wife is a talented and brave woman who decided to step back from a demanding District position to a school spot shortly after he became ill. She continued to manage that and support Danny as he became more challenged with the cancer.

Recently, Danny took up painting and had his first art show. All his works were sold to pleased buyers and he was busily making more of his artwork when he passed away.

When you die, what would do you want to be remembered for? Man or woman, I suspect you, like Emerson Drive, just want to be remembered as a good person.

I will remember Danny as a brave, humorous, gentle man who had a positive attitude. I will remember him as a talented and articulate man who loved his family dearly and made sure they knew he did. The thing I will remember the most about him was his resilience.

Many will miss Danny deeply, but, for those of us who were fortunate enough to know him, we will take a little bit of him with us as we move on through life. Yes, our lives were better because he crossed our path.

Thanks for sharing yourself with us, Danny. You were a good man.

My wish for you today is that you live your life with positive qualities that will serve to enhance the lives of others. Be resilient, determined, and straightforward as you share your gifts and talents with the world.

~ Joellen

I suspect Easter is a holiday many celebrate in the Columbia area. After all, it is a major holy day for many of us that we’ve been reminded of throughout the season of Lent.

Then, of course, there is the celebration of the Easter Bunny coming to our homes and leaving tasty sweet treats that end up in many little mouths and on many adult hips.

I have a multitude of decorations for each holiday we celebrate in our house. There used to be over 30 stuffed paper boxes of holiday decorations, mostly Christmas things, but at least two boxes of Easter decorations.

I got them out last weekend and began deciding which ones would go where. Since I had eight family and friends coming over for lunch on Sunday, I decided to get all the eggs out that we collected each year for my son and use them as a center piece from one end of the 13 foot table setting to another.

While we did give my son some candy each year, we always gave him a collectable egg of some kind to symbolize the Easter season…much like we did at Christmas when we gave him one special ornament each year that was just his…all to be used on his first tree when he moved out on his own.

When family gathers here, we always seem to pull out one or more of the over 35 three ring binders of family memories. These have pictures and other memorabilia carefully placed in those thousands of pages from 1888 on.

It doesn’t take long to see a pattern around the Easter season. There is a picture of Pierce’s Dad – almost from birth – holding a leather Easter Bunny.

We still have that Easter Bunny. It’s worn but still part of the family tradition. My now 24 year old son has taken his picture with it for years as well.

Just so you know, it gets more and more difficult to get him to take a picture with that bunny. The older he gets, the less he wants to be seen taking a picture together with it. Some Easters we have to take the picture on the sly when he happens to be near it but not aware the click of the camera is about to occur.

This year, was no different.

Our Leather Easter Bunny is at least 64 years old. He has been through more Easters than most of us. If he could talk I imagine he would have plenty of stories to tell. One thing for sure, he will likely continue to be part of our Easters for years to come as we continue taking pictures for posterity’s sake.

My wish for you today is that you embrace the holidays that are special to you and your family and make some good memories together. It may not be a leather Easter Bunny you remember, but I suspect, if you stop to think about it, there may be some good memory you can enjoy. If not, start one for the next holiday and begin your own tradition.

~ Joellen

Is one of your favorite pastimes going to the movies? If so, do you like suspense, drama or horror with lots of high energy, special effects, and sound?

I have to admit I’m a regular movie goer. It’s not completely out of the question that I go to first runs locally or even to the movies before they “officially” come out at the theatres.

You see, my son is a filmmaker and he sometimes has the opportunity to see movies before they open in theatres. I, occasionally, will go with him to see the movie if invited. Then, of course, I see movies in the raw when they are being made and he invites me to take a peek at a day’s shoot.

So it’s not so unusual for me to be see movies regularly.

What is unusual, these days, is to see a movie with no sound.

I bet, when you think of silent movies, you think of Charlie Chaplin. At least I do.

Some friends were in town this past weekend and I was invited to join them for dinner. They were here to see several Chaplin Comedies at the USC School of Music recital hall and invited me to come along.

You’re probably thinking right about now that you might have been bored after just a short time. After all, no special effects, no sound, no words. Black and white?

Well, to my surprise, this was one of the most delightful movie going evenings I’ve been to recently.

There were two movies. One a short two reel movie called “Easy Street” (a reflection of Chaplin’s own childhood) and a longer 50 minute movie called “The Kid.”

What made this an exceptional movie going experience was the genius of Dennis James, an international silent film accompanist. He had researched the music of the era of Charlie Chaplin – an accomplished musician himself – and compiled accompaniment for each movie – performing it live while the movies were running.

Dennis’ warm, engaging spirit could make even the most skeptic silent movie goers soften to silent movies, especially “The Kid.”

In the 1920’s Charlie Chaplin believed “The Kid” would be his most delightful and charming movie yet. He was having a hard time convincing his company it would fly because of the story line of him adopting a baby and raising him after a distraught mother leaves the baby behind. So, with the passion and drive only Charlie Chaplin had, he borrowed $500,000 and made the movie himself.

Ah, I loved independent filmmakers!

The movie became the most popular movie of that day AND grossed over 60 million dollars…not bad for 1921 huh?

It’s strange how a movie can help one adjust to losses in their lives. Charlie Chaplin was no different. Shortly before making “The Kid” he and his wife lost a newborn son. That tragedy made his raw feelings and talent come alive on that screen. No words were needed to see the charming relationship develop into a witty, hilarious, and occasional sad one with a happy ending for both child, adopted father and biological mother.

A bit of trivia here…it featured six year old Jackie Coogan – discovered by Chaplin in Vaudeville – as his adopted son and sidekick. You probably remember Jackie best as Uncle Fester on The Addams Family.

Thanks, Dennis, for sharing your passion of silent movies through the delightful accompaniment and presentation…and thank goodness we still have a way of preserve these silent wonders!

My wish for you today is that you consider the joy of silent movies and, if possible, see Dennis James in a future performance next time he has a USC evening at the movies. You’ll be glad you did.

~ Joellen

I love stories. You just never know when you will hear or see one that makes you stop and think.

I was at a business meeting at Columbia Area Mental Health yesterday morning. Most of those kinds of meetings are uneventful.

This one was different.

Working with Monica McConnell – new in her position there – we were negotiating a contract between her agency and my school district for next year so a mental health counselor could work locally at three of our schools. It was a pleasant meeting with the two of us working out some details that would enhance the arrangement our organizations have had for a few years.

The meeting was coming to an end when she handed me something secured with a rubber band. As she unrolled it, you could tell she was pleased to be sharing it with me. We looked at it for a moment and she shared the story of the poster and how it came to be.

Each year their agency has young clients draw pictures that represent their time with the counselor they see and the personal growth they experience.

This time two boys teamed together to design a picture. The poster shows a boy, with glasses, holding a book and reading. The book title is “How to be Healthy and Happy” by Joshua and Devin. The boy says three important things according to the young reader.

Don’t Bully.

I Love Health.

Love Yourself.

Now that’s some profound statements coming from young people. Usually, we adults like to share our wisdom with children. But these boys know what it takes to be happy and they weren’t scared to share it.

Little did they know their picture would wind up on a poster for thousands to see. They have made a positive mark on the world even at their young ages.

The poster goes on to say that over 135,000 South Carolina children experience mental health issues every year and over 88,000 of them are not addressed.

Can you believe that? Could you have been one of those 88,000 who could have used some extra help when you were in school?

We are happy to have mental health counselors in our schools and to have partners like Columbia Area Mental Health and Lexington County Community Area Mental Health Center. They, along with social workers, school counselors, psychologists and other helping professionals assist students and families when times get tough and they need extra support…all for the purpose of helping students be able to “be healthy and happy” so they can do a great job learning and achieving in their schools.

Thanks, Joshua and Devin for sharing your talents, and your insights with us. We are inspired by you.

My wish for you today is that you continue to strive to find that place in life where you can be healthy and happy, just like Joshua and Devin. If you can’t do it on your own, find someone who can help. There are many people out there that can care for you when you need that extra care. Embrace that support with appreciation and you may just find a healthier and happier you.

~ Joellen