Mine, His and Ours
I talked with a business colleague from Charleston early yesterday morning. We had been discussing a project I might be working with her on as a contractor. As we reviewed the timeline, our conversation turned to dealing with time limitations around my schedule and led to talking about families.
The colleague had just recently married and moved to Charlotte, NC. They blended household goods and are fairly settled now. She and her new husband are happy starting their lives together.
Included in the blending of these two households were four important things.
The family now includes two young children of hers and two of his.
Don’t know about you, but I think people who try to blend two families together should have a special place in heaven for attempting that.
It’s one thing to love someone. It’s quite another to expect a child to manage that well…much less four of them.
I heard the short version of the family working diligently to make this a successful transition for all of them. I am sure there are issues – though she concentrated on the positives. A house full of six people would be full of opportunities and challenges for any family. To blend two together could present even more of a test.
As I listened to this colleague talk about her new family, I could tell she had a special place in her heart for each one that resides in their home. Like I said, it takes a very special person.
My sister and her husband have a blended family, also. It has been a blessing to see them work with that to build a strong base of support and care. She has two. He has three. While the children are older now and either out on their own or soon to be, they made some remarkable sacrifices for the children early in their relationship. I’m proud of them for managing things the way they do.
Here are some ideas to think about if you find yourself in – or contemplating being in – a blended family:
~~ Celebrate the uniqueness of each individual and encourage that individuality.
~~ Give all involved plenty of time to build a positive relationship with others.
~~ Understand that it takes longer for some to warm up to the idea of blending families.
~~ Make sure each person in the family has a personal space that is their own at your home. It doesn’t matter how big, but each person really needs his/her own defined space to retreat to when needing to get away or concentrate.
~~ Take time to focus on each child as often as possible. In a large family, that will be harder, but it can be done with some planning. Each one needs to know you value them as an individual, as well as a part of the bigger picture.
~~ When problems do arise, and they will, have a plan with the other adult in the family so you both handle the situation effectively as a team.
~~ If there are problems you can’t manage, get some outside help to sort through it. All of us can use a little extra help from time to time.
~~ Take time to be with your spouse to confirm your love for him/her. Having a “date” every once in a while is good for the two of you AND good for the family to see. Set that positive example of how important it is to be attentive to your spouses’ needs as well. For this one, a “date” is just the two of you!
~~ Thank your spouse frequently for being a part of your life. Be creative about how you do that and enjoy it.
My wish for you today is that – if you find yourself in the possibility and opportunity of a blended family – you make it the healthiest one possible. If you’re not in a blended family situation, my wish for you today is that you have the opportunity to see what a healthy blended family is all about. It will be an uplifting experience to see that in action.
~Joellen